The Day I Went Crazy At the Bank!

Posted on August 5, 2010 by Bruce Sallan

I went nuts at the bank. Yup, it’s true. I was overwhelmed and I just over-reacted.

I go to the same branch of Wells Fargo. There’s ALWAYS a line. ALWAYS. Every person at the teller takes FOREVER to do their business. Sometimes, a very nice bank person comes out and asks, “If you have a straight deposit, no cash back, I can help you.” I want to kill that person! We ALL want cash back or something beyond a simple deposit! Why doesn’t she come out and say, “We’ve got ten tellers on break right now, but I’ll ask one of them to come out early and maybe help get this line moving”? How about that instead?

So, I headed into the bank with my expectations sure that the line would be long, slow, and I’d be looking at my watch every few seconds as if THAT WOULD MAKE IT MOVE ANY FASTER!

Life–Wait a Minute! It WILL Change!

Posted on August 3, 2010 by Bruce Sallan

There’s a lesson that is told in most cultures. In Canada, it’s about the weather: Wait a minute and it will change. Or, most everywhere on the good or bad in life; “This too shall pass.” All are so true. Right now, our family is going through both some ups and downs. I try to remember the latter adage during the “down” periods and not expect the “up” ones to always last.

Sticking with the clichéd sayings, there is another that is credited to Rabbi Joseph Telushkin’s mother that goes something like, “The only happy people I know are people I don’t know well.” Think about it. When you know someone well, you usually know his or her troubles. When you don’t, you invariably get the proverbial answer “Good” or “Terrific” to the greeting “How are you?”

Are Second Marriages Harder?

Posted on July 27, 2010 by Bruce Sallan

One might think that second marriages would be easier and succeed more often than first marriages. At least that might be a first instinctual reaction. But are second marriages harder? On reflection and upon learning the statistics, it becomes clear why second (and third, fourth, and more) marriages are actually harder.

First, let’s cite the statistics. I don’t have a source, but I know it’s generally understood and accepted that first marriages end somewhere in the 40-50% range, while second marriages end about 66% of the time, and third and subsequent marriages fail around 75% of the time. These are not encouraging statistics. Thankfully, when I was divorced I didn’t know those discouraging numbers.

Couples Need Couples

Posted on July 13, 2010 by Bruce Sallan

While on a recent vacation, my wife and I had a stimulating discussion with friends about friends. We were enjoying a meal with two other couples and one of the men asked the question, “Have you found many couples that you are friends with and, if so, how have you met them?” Do couples need couples to survive?

What followed was a spirited discussion about friends–same sex friends, friends as couples, and opposite sex friends, when you’re married (or monogamously involved). The conclusion was that it is not simple.

Growing Up — Two Generations at a Time (aka “Finding Your Passion”)

Posted on July 6, 2010 by Bruce Sallan

Sometimes, life brings us a lot of lessons at once. In my family, we’ve gotten our share of them recently and they’ve added dimension to our lives and allowed us to each grow in different ways, without necessarily providing a neat and regular narrative for my column. That hasn’t stopped me yet and I think you’ll find they all coalesce into something meaningful called finding your passion.

Let’s begin with my older son growing as a rock ‘n’ roller, a talented drummer, guitarist, and vocalist. His passion carried over to an extraordinary opportunity of a lifetime when he got to jam with his idol, Chris Cornell (Soundgarden and Audioslave) at The Roxy Theatre, on Sunset Blvd., in Hollywood. The full story and video are here (http://brucesallan.com/index.php/other/203-my-sons-rock-n-roll-dream-came-true), but suffice it to say, I became a sort of “stage dad” along the way.

There Ain’t No Cure for the Summertime Blues!

Posted on June 22, 2010 by Bruce Sallan

Do you remember that great Eddie Cochran song, “Summertime Blues” from the fifties? Originally a single B-side, it peaked at #8 on the Billboard Hot 100 on September 29, 1958. Cochran died at the tender age of 21 in a taxi accident in England. The song is ranked #73 in Rolling Stone’s 500 Greatest Songs of All Time. But, enough of the music history lesson as it’s another summer and another 10 weeks wondering what the boys will be doing, as well as the family as a whole.

Each summer poses unique challenges for parents and kids. This summer is no different for my family as we’re moving sometime just before school starts in the fall. Everyone knows about the joys of moving and we’re happy with the new house that we think we have. The deal is yet to close, as of this writing, but it’s looking good. The prospect of moving again, just two years after our last move, isn’t a likely highlight of this summer. We have some minor work to do on the new house, though my experience is it’s never “minor.”

Expectations — A Lose-Lose

Posted on June 18, 2010 by Bruce Sallan

Expectations. Having them just hurts and disappoints. Maybe have them for yourself, but I’d rather re-phrase them as “goals” rather than expectations.

I’ve had expectations my whole life and they’ve only caused heartache, disappointment, and bad behavior when I lashed out at those that didn’t fulfill MY expectations. Bad behavior that hurt me more than them.

Right now, I’m facing some failed expectations and doing my darndest to not let them phase me or hurt the relationships involved. As you probably know, I have a new Radio Show – “The Bruce Sallan Show – A Dad’s Point-of-View” on Thursdays, at 11:00 a.m. – 12:00 p.m., PST on KZSB AM1290 in Santa Barbara. More info on the show can be found on my “Radio Show” tab on my web-site. The radio business has changed and it’s often the second job of the host of a show to help secure sponsors to support and pay for the show. So, I reached out initially to people I’ve done business with over the years and felt were either my honest-to-goodness friends or certainly close acquaintances. One, in particular, I’ve known for 15 years and we’d grown quite close. He’s come through as my first sponsor. However, the other two I contacted have not come through, one way or another.

My Father’s Day Column for 2010

Posted on June 15, 2010 by Bruce Sallan

For me, my Father’s Day is a melancholy experience. I certainly appreciate the attention that I get from my two boys and my wife. My younger son tends to make an artistic gift for me, since he’s the artist of the family, while my older one will scribble some sweet sentiments on a piece of scrap or notebook paper, and my wife will usually make me a glorious meal of my choosing.

While I appreciate all this love showered my way, my Father’s Day also makes me melancholy over the memory of my late father, who was a wonderful man. I’ve written about him before, but I want to always keep his memory present in my mind and the minds of my boys.