Expectations — A Lose-Lose

Category: Families & Generations, Mumbo Jumbo

Expectations. Having them just hurts and disappoints. Maybe have them for yourself, but I’d rather re-phrase them as “goals” rather than expectations.

I’ve had expectations my whole life and they’ve only caused heartache, disappointment, and bad behavior when I lashed out at those that didn’t fulfill MY expectations. Bad behavior that hurt me more than them.

Right now, I’m facing some failed expectations and doing my darndest to not let them phase me or hurt the relationships involved. As you probably know, I have a new Radio Show – “The Bruce Sallan Show – A Dad’s Point-of-View” on Thursdays, at 11:00 a.m. – 12:00 p.m., PST on KZSB AM1290 in Santa Barbara. More info on the show can be found on my “Radio Show” tab on my web-site. The radio business has changed and it’s often the second job of the host of a show to help secure sponsors to support and pay for the show. So, I reached out initially to people I’ve done business with over the years and felt were either my honest-to-goodness friends or certainly close acquaintances. One, in particular, I’ve known for 15 years and we’d grown quite close. He’s come through as my first sponsor. However, the other two I contacted have not come through, one way or another.

Both expressed sincere interest and both have waffled in committing, which I find worse than a “No.” I know it’s best to just let it go. As my station manager reminded me today, before I broadcast my “Father’s Day Tribute” show, people usually are consumed with their stuff and it’s rarely “about you.”

The expectations weren’t as high with these two business “friends,” though both gave me time-frames in which they’d respond and those have long passed. Call me naive but I have this crazy expectation of people I know and respect that they’ll do what they say they’ll do. How foolish of me? I’m not even being sarcastic. It is foolish of me. I don’t know why they behave the way they do; I don’t know what problems they may be having that has kept them from fulfilling what they said; I don’t know what pain they may be going through; and I certainly don’t know their character as well as I know my own.

SO, my job is to fulfill my own goals. Period. Same goes for my wife and boys. I often expect too much of them. They, too, have their own demons and concerns and it may not be what I think they should be doing at any given time.

My familiar saying applies, yet again, that the only good about getting older is the possibility of getting better (vis-a-vis relationships) and the only thing I control is what I eat for breakfast!

By the way, if you want to sponsor a segment of my show or buy commercials, let me know. In the meantime, do listen to today’s Father’s Day Tribute show as it was quite moving and I think I’m getting pretty good at this! Let me know what you think? You can listen to any past show on my “Radio Show” page–and the Father’s Day show on it’s own page!

  • Lduke

    The Duke family motto is “Get over it.” Works in most situations.

  • http://ItsDifferent4girls.com Linda Sherman

    That family motto certainly reduces drama LDuke and I agree applies to many small things. But I do think there is value in recognizing the emotion in order to let it go even if it is to just pull yourself out of it.

    As was discussed on Bruce’s Father’s Day tribute radio show: completing stuff in one way or another is valuable. Otherwise it just keeps getting carried forward. By the way, what feels so disappointing today may have nothing to do with today’s incident and everything to do with a disappointment in the past.