Radio Show – Parents Are Only As Happy As Their Least Happiest Child
First air date: Thursday, March 3, 2011
Featured guests:
Wayne Levine (BetterMen.org) for “The Men’s Room”
Pastor Drew Sams (WeWillSingaNewSong.com) for “Teen Rap”
Jim Scheinberg (North Pier Fiduciary Management) for “Family Financial Matters”
The column referenced is, “Parents Are Only As Happy As Their Least Happiest Child.” Listen Now
Rabbi Hillel had a famous quote from about 2,000 years ago: “If Not Now, When?” If ever there was a timeless question this is it, especially as we enter the holiday season. It really applies to just about everything in our lives, but for the sake of staying “on point,” I am applying it to parenting.
Everyone remembers the classic Harry Chapin song, “The Cat’s in the Cradle,” which is about a dad who taught his son to be like himself–a too busy dad to make time for his son–only to learn that lesson himself, when he was on the receiving end of his son’s unavailability. Can you listen to that song without tearing up? I can’t.
Do you remember that great Eddie Cochran song, “Summertime Blues” from the fifties? Originally a single B-side, it peaked at #8 on the Billboard Hot 100 on September 29, 1958. Cochran died at the tender age of 21 in a taxi accident in England. The song is ranked #73 in Rolling Stone’s 500 Greatest Songs of All Time. But, enough of the music history lesson as it’s another summer and another 10 weeks wondering what the boys will be doing, as well as the family as a whole.
Each summer poses unique challenges for parents and kids. This summer is no different for my family as we’re moving sometime just before school starts in the fall. Everyone knows about the joys of moving and we’re happy with the new house that we think we have. The deal is yet to close, as of this writing, but it’s looking good. The prospect of moving again, just two years after our last move, isn’t a likely highlight of this summer. We have some minor work to do on the new house, though my experience is it’s never “minor.”
For me, my Father’s Day is a melancholy experience. I certainly appreciate the attention that I get from my two boys and my wife. My younger son tends to make an artistic gift for me, since he’s the artist of the family, while my older one will scribble some sweet sentiments on a piece of scrap or notebook paper, and my wife will usually make me a glorious meal of my choosing.
While I appreciate all this love showered my way, my Father’s Day also makes me melancholy over the memory of my late father, who was a wonderful man. I’ve written about him before, but I want to always keep his memory present in my mind and the minds of my boys.
I admit it; I like going away without my wife sometimes. And, I suspect she feels the same? She occasionally wants to visit her parents, who live out of town, without having to worry about me. After all, I am a helpless male.
Let’s face it; we sometimes like separate time and even separate vacations. I ended up being alone over Christmas for ten days and while I missed my family, I loved answering to no one. And, for my wife, I know she needs that separate time, too.
There’s nothing new dealing with teens that think they know it all, but recently I’ve found that my 13-year-old is making me crazy with his attitude. I’ve got another teen at home – his 16-year-old brother, so I do have some experience living with a teen, but it doesn’t get any easier!
David and I occasionally go on short ski trips together, without his step-mom or older brother, and that is when David’s attitude tends to fully blossom. This “attitude” manifests itself in his regularly contradicting everything I say, questioning why he has to do something I ask him to do, and generally being constantly contrary.
Nobody promised that being a parent would be easy nor were we assured that we’d get kids that were easy to handle. If you’re like most of us, you face regular challenges to your authority, your rules, and the way you expect your kids to behave. As with much in life, there’s room for compromise, but with parenting I suggest that if you stick with your rules it defines your values and teaches your children valuable lessons. The first rule must be that you tell the truth.
It’s a simple idea to tell the truth, but not always so simple to execute in real-life family situations. For instance, what do your kids really hear when you say something like, “If you do this fill-in-the-blank thing, you’re gonna be grounded” with stern parental authority. Most kids will interpret that to mean, “Well, I sure hope you won’t do that, but I’ll forgive you when you do because I love you so much and want to be your best friend.” The result? You haven’t told the truth or stood by your word. The kids then know they can manipulate you.
As my kids get older, each touching corny moment (and I mean “touching” literally, as well as figuratively) becomes more and more fleeting. As I have two boys, the amount of kissing and hugging is reduced to the point of pretty much shaking hands, and with my younger son (13), an occasional hug and air peck on the cheek. At least my (3) dogs still give me affection (and, my wife, of course – if I didn’t say that I’d be in the “dog-house”).
BUT, I had one of those “at this age” unusual and rare sappy parenting moments with my young teen when he and I went to see AVATAR. It was Saturday night so we thought getting there an hour early would be time enough to get tickets for the 7:00 p.m. show. Nope, sold out. So, we got them for the 8:00 p.m. show and went for dinner.
