I’ve decided to walk into very dangerous waters. It’s not that I haven’t done it before, especially when I “took on” the Occupy movement! That generated a LOT of comments and a whole lotta controversy. Taking on those “protesters” is easy in comparison with takin’ on the moms; specifically mom bloggers!
Dad explains the values and virtues of July 4th to Son. Naturally, Dad has it all wrong in this July 4th celebratory Because I Said So comic illustrated by @VoogDesigns.
Syndication rights to the Because I Said So comic strips are now available. Contact me for more information on carrying this truly NEW comic strip!
So, last week’s blog was about one of the other three common couple’s argument topics, money, and I thought I’d take on the easier one with this blog – sex. Yeah, very easy.
While I declared that sex isn’t a big issue in our household, and it isn’t, I also have to admit it is an issue. There’s a movie quote, don’t ask me from which movie, that goes something like this, “He wants, she doesn’t, he wants, she doesn’t,” which sums up the stereotype thinking on sex between couples.
I hope you all read my first blog on guy farting and especially watched the attached video. We’ve attached it again, along with another favorite of the “genre.” What is it about farting that is so funny?
So, my wife still does NOT think it’s funny, though occasionally she will snicker in spite of herself. She’s seen the video of the couple in bed and the other morning, I swear, we ended up mimicking them almost word for word!
It was that just before dawn time when you’re only half-awake. Our three dogs were lying on their beds, in our room, peacefully sleeping. One of them, our oldest, actually snores slightly. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, while in my sleep, I farted. Woke both my wife and myself up.
My recent blog about women’s bleeding provoked a comment that inspired this blog. Another dirty little secret about men, but one that I’m sure is less a secret, is how lame, naïve, and uneducated we can be about how women’s sexual parts work. And, what WE have to do to take care of them.
When I began having sex, no woman took the time to tell me what I was doing right or wrong. As a fumbling teen, I groped around a bit, made out some (does anyone say “make out” anymore?), and went for it pretty much as soon as I could or was allowed.
I really believed my efforts were so incredible that there was no doubt my partner was lying back in heavenly bliss vs. the more likely reality of “Is that all there is?” But, talking about sex between men and women or more appropriately for that time, boys and girls, just was too darn awkward and we didn’t. The idea of actually expressing what we liked and didn’t like was impossible.
My family continues to be the best petri dish for ideas for my blog. My wife Loren often comments to “correct” me and straighten the record. On a recent family trip to visit her parents, a couple incidents occurred that raised the question of who comes first? – friends, the kids, her parents, me?
At dinner with one of her friends, she seemed to cater to the dietary desires of their kid, who is a vegetarian. Every dish, it seemed, had to be cleared with him. Now, there were 5 others of us, for this Chinese meal, but it felt like the only one that mattered was that boy. It was very clear who comes first in that family.
Okay, let’s admit it. We guys tend to let loose with the occasional bodily “expression,” and in the case of me and my boys, we really do enjoy hearty burping or guy farting. In fact, we have a family tradition of saying “Ralph” when we burp. Try it sometime; you’ll crack up.
This is another significant difference between men and women. Not only do we enjoy it; we validate each other for a “good one.” While my wife was gone, caring for her mother recently, it allowed my boys and I to revert to our Neanderthal behaviors. You know, the stuff that comes “naturally.”
When I got separated and then divorced six years ago, the world of dating had gone through a change. Internet dating was well underway and the quaint idea of friends introducing you to other friends seemed to have gone the way of the horse and buggy. There were still bars and clubs, but those options didn’t appeal to me when I was young enough to consider them, and when my hearing was still good enough to survive the over-the-top decibels in such environments.
So, it was a brand new world for this middle-aged guy, and Internet dating was the method-du-jour. I had my two young sons full-time so dating of any kind meant babysitters, or meeting during school hours. Later, the issues became how much to disclose to the boys and when and if I should introduce them to a date.