Mom Bloggers vs. Dad Bloggers

Category: Weekly Columns

I’ve decided to walk into very dangerous waters. It’s not that I haven’t done it before, especially when I “took on” the Occupy movement! That generated a LOT of comments and a whole lotta controversy. Taking on those “protesters” is easy in comparison with takin’ on the moms; specifically mom bloggers!

Okay, I’m not really that brave! I chose the title of this column for purely provocative reasons because I don’t believe mom and dad bloggers are at odds at all. However, I do believe that we are different in the same way I always write and talk about the inherent differences between men and women. It’s my belief that we should acknowledge AND celebrate our differences.

In the case of mom and dad bloggers, there really are a lot of differences. Most of them relate to our respective gender views on life and many are because of demographics, which I’ll explain later. There is no good and bad here nor any attempt to do anything other than expose these differences – yeah, too strong a choice of words – and maybe reflect and learn from them.

Given that I’ve been prone to writing lists ever since becoming a contributing writer to 12Most.com, I will approach this topic in list fashion. This list is completely arbitrary, in no order of importance, and I want to be clear that every stereotype here is just that – a stereotype, meaning it may be generally true but there are always exceptions.

~~ Mom bloggers are much better established in the blogosphere, with brands, and among themselves. They probably outnumber dad bloggers by more than 15 to 1 – my unscientific study – and even more so when you consider those that do it full-time.

~~ Dad bloggers invariably have “day jobs” and hope, in many cases, that their blogging will lead to enough income that they can give up their “day job.”

~~ There are many more single mom bloggers than single dad bloggers. Do not ask me to verify this!

~~ It seems that mom bloggers have both better networking skills between themselves and more infighting going on. The dads are still getting to know one another and I rarely hear of a “cat fight” between us, though I hear of them often from my many mom blogger friends.

~~ Mom bloggers are making much more money at it than the dads – so far. It may never equalize because one of our differences – as un-PC as it may be to say – is that women are more likely to be the stay-at-home-parent than the men and are inherently more interested in their mom community than many of the dads. Again, this is a stereotype, but I assert it is largely true.

~~ Dad bloggers are playing at it more than the mom bloggers. What I mean by that is that most dad bloggers do their blogging and Social Media as an outlet and hobby while more mom bloggers take it very seriously AND as a source of income.

~~ The brands are finally beginning to recognize that dads and dad bloggers exist and may even participate in buying decisions. Hollywood has also begun to see us as more than just Homer Simpson or Al Bundy – goofballs. Will our portrayal on screen or recognition on Madison Avenue ever equal the lofty status of moms…I doubt it.

~~ I know of very few full-time dad bloggers. I know of tons of full-time mom bloggers who are not only making money but also making a difference. I do believe we dad bloggers are making a difference, but ironically the dads are confronting a new “glass ceiling” in work and income. Turnabout is only fair?

~~ Moms bloggers are a tad more sensitive than the dads. By that, I mean that if you say the least bit of a derogative thing to a mom or about moms, they will CRUSH you. The dads take things a bit more in stride. This is reflective of how men and women relate with their same sex friends. Men will greet each other with a “Hey dude, you sure are ugly!” and get “Love you too, man” in response. In total contrast, women will not say, “Honey, did you gain weight recently?” or anything resembling a put-down, EVER!

~~ Again, I can’t prove this, but there is anecdotal evidence that SAHMs have no problem declaring themselves as such, while some SAHDs will only describe their dad role as “temporary” or that they are between jobs. Consequently, I believe the stats on SAHDs and SAHMs may not be fully accurate. We know there are and probably always will be more moms that stay home, but I do wonder the real numbers?

I wonder about this more out of curiosity than any agenda, because I don’t really care who stays home. In my opinion, it should come down to two simple factors if a family can even afford to have a stay-at-home parent. One is practical: who makes the most money. The other, if money/income isn’t an issue, is who most wants to stay home with the kids.

When I began writing this column, I didn’t realize that there would likely be a Part Two, because I could keep on going, and going, and going. I welcome your thoughts and comments.

 

  • http://felixrelationshipmarketing.com/ Juan Felix

    Hi Bruce ~ interesting comparison. I would love to see a sequence on what Dad Bloggers can learn from Mom Bloggers and vice versa 🙂

    • http://www.brucesallan.com Bruce Sallan

      C’mon Juan! You can do better than “interesting!?” – I might take your suggestion on for Part Two if this one generates enough feedback and interest for a Part Two!

  • http://stay-at-homedadblunders.tumblr.com/ dadblunders

     Well according to the most recent US Census there is about 195,000 stay-at-home dads. The numbers are misleading though because of some basic assumptions that the census uses. The census doesn’t count fathers that work from home part time earning a little income.  Among fathers with a spouse currently working, 32 percent were a regular source of care for their children under age 15.  According to what I have been reading a more accurate number based on this  would be around 2 million dads that are primary care givers.

    I find it funny though that US Census gives the data but you have to read through it just to figure out dads are watching their children more and more. I wonder if had something to do with social attitudes towards fathers.  It is improving but a large segment of society has a hard time excepting that fathers can be a caregiver to their children.  I can verify this just from working with families as a social worker and the attitude that was often stated about fathers watching their children.

    • http://www.brucesallan.com Bruce Sallan

      Ya wonder? I learned ONE thing from my MBA – statistics can be manipulated and usually ARE! SAHDs don’t call themselves that – OFTEN – due to some remaining stigma. It is all improving, but slowly for us.

      • http://stay-at-homedadblunders.tumblr.com/ dadblunders

         Very true! Statistics are easily manipulated to favor one thing or the other. When I was in college and we had to use statistical samples for things (yes we use them a lot social work) I remember learning how it is so easy to interpret things.

        Whenever I have time I try to look at sample sizes, studies etc. to see what the data tells me versus what is being reported. I am by no means an authority but just looking through the census I can tell how advertisers use it to their advantage so readily.

        You are correct must dads don’t use stay-at-home as a title partially because of the stigma associated with it. I believe the only way to change the stigma is to tell people I take care of my son and I  stay-at-home. It’s not easy and not always fun but it is probably the most rewarding thing I have ever done. Not many adults take the time to look at things through their child’s eyes. I try to take the time because I know my son won’t be little forever. So, for now I sit back and enjoy learning all over again the joys of what is means to be a child.

        • http://www.brucesallan.com Bruce Sallan

          The more WE proudly announce OUR JOB as SAHDs, the more society will appreciate us and the stigma will fall…

  • Tekaranlady

    I’m getting a kick out of reading the Daddy Blogs I’ve started coming across. It’s interesting to have the other side of the story.

    I’m one of those Mommy Bloggers who does it more as a hobby. If anything, it’s more a part of my overall marketing strategy than anything. It certainly isn’t what I’m referring to when I describe myself as a WAHM. I get a bit irritated with blogger who do nothing but contests and giveaways, but other than that, I say the more the merrier.

    • http://www.brucesallan.com Bruce Sallan

      I agree about the contests, coupons, and giveaways – all more of a mom-blogger thing though I do see dads doing it now…for the money and/or swag, IDK…

  • Bakeforme

    Bruce, Because my kids are for all intents and purposes out of my house, I don’t consider myself to be a SAHM. I am at home a LOT, and I do blog, but I also am trying to push my small company to the next level, and I don’t really blog about mom issues. (So, does that exclude me from this group?) Probably not, because I am still a mom and I have “mom thoughts.” I don’t see this issue as being a battle of the sexes. I think the mom bloggers and dad bloggers can definitely learn a lot from each other. They just need to realize that this is pretty much unchartered territory, and they need to tread lightly for a while, at least. To quote a now departed, and not a terribly good dad role model, “Can’t we all just get along?”

    • http://www.brucesallan.com Bruce Sallan

      I agree that this is NOT a “Battle of the Sexes” thing, though if I’d really wanted this blog to go viral, I would’ve been a LOT MORE snarky! The problem is I like too many of the moms and dads and just don’t see it as anything other than both genders trying to do their best job as parent and maybe, just maybe, make a little money along the ride!

  • http://twitter.com/MelissaOnline Melissa Stewart

    Yup, your title will get attention! I believe that we are ALL unique – just like everybody else! Mom blogger, women bloggers, dad bloggers, men bloggers, dog bloggers… There is something out there for all of us 🙂

    • http://www.brucesallan.com Bruce Sallan

      Melissa, titles are so important. Granted, I went OBVIOUS with this one and the “vs” but that just makes it more fun. I agree that we are all “unique” but will you assert that some people are good and others not? Do you believe in Good and Evil?

  • http://twitter.com/IbecameMyDad Barmy Rootstock

    Thanks for the post, Bruce. I am a dad. I am a blogger. But I think of my blog as being humor about parenting rather than “dadding”. That said, I bring my own perspective which, by virtue of my Y chromosome, is that of a dad among other things. Am I a dad blogger? I suppose so, but well over half of my readers are moms. 

    Personally, I hope I don’t get pigeon-holed if dad blogging ever becomes the “industry” that mom blogging has become. While most mom blogs are still about great original content, the label “mom blog” has a connotation of commercialization and product pitches.I know many moms who are bloggers and try very hard not to label themselves as mom bloggers for that reason. I guess what I’m saying is that I hope dad blogs don’t reach that “lofty status” that mom blogs have because with that recognition by Madison Avenue can come a loss of original content and sincerity of opinions–or at least the perception thereof. Is that the case with most mom blogs? ABSOLUTELY NOT. But the PERCEPTION of what mom blogs are (as incorrect as that might be) is hurting the majority of mom bloggers who don’t allow the commercial aspect to overpower the content. I would love to get rich by blogging, but not if it means dad blogs are just perceived as a male version of mom blogs.

    • http://www.brucesallan.com Bruce Sallan

      Barmy, thx for the comment. Would love your HUMOR at #DadChat, which takes place EVERY Thursday from 6:00 – 7:00 p.m. PT. Yes, you are a dad blogger – and most of us have half-women readers/followers because of just what I write about in this post!

      Good points all-around and welcome to my website. I hope to “see” you again.

  • http://chopperpapa.com Kyle Bradford

    Mom blogger?!?!? Dad Blogger?!?!? What does it matter? And more importantly why does everyone think there is this competitive thing going on between them? I have as much in common with a ‘mommy blog’ as I do a political blog. I’m not competing with them and they shouldn’t be competing with me. We’re apples and oranges. 

    Women will forever own the parenting blog genre. There may be the rare dad that breaks into those ranks but if you look at those blogs and what they write they are sending their message exclusively to women. It’s a difficult task to write for men and women readers, ultimately you must choose one or the other. 

    I came across a high traffic dad blog once and the sponsor at the top of the page was a Women’s Dove Soap advertisement. Really dude?!?! 

    • http://www.brucesallan.com Bruce Sallan

      Kyle, I don’t agree that we have to choose one or the other to write for…as you say earlier in your comment, paraphrasing – parenting is parenting regardless of gender. So is writing, don’t you think?

      As for the implication of moms or dads “selling out” depending on who “sponsors” them, I leave that to the individual’s conscience. I know you and I know me – we march to our OWN drummer, period!

  • http://www.thejackb.com/ The JackB

    I don’t believe a lot of the numbers I hear about how much people are earning from blogging. Some of them are inflating them dramatically. In fact many of the newer mom bloggers have created more issues than they realize because they saturate the market and give away their services for free.

    In essence that devalues all of our work and makes it harder for everyone to make a buck doing this.

    • http://www.brucesallan.com Bruce Sallan

      THAT was such a big point emphasized at BlogWorld LA by EVERY mom-blogger I heard or spoke with! That is why few “writers” make any money simply writing and why radio is dying as well ’cause anyone can do their own podcast! 

  • Allana Pratt

    Great title to get out attention. I love the capacity to create my own world. I am a working from home mom, part time as I am single with joint custody, and I feel totally empowered by the blogger world to create a fabulous lifestyle for us. It’s still the wild west to some degree, yet I love the challenge and the inspiration of full self expression. 

    I say power to the Dads who find this their authentic calling as well. Communication- be it in person or 140 characters is an art, and when we excel at it, the quality of all profound relationships in our lives deepens… you know me, Intimacy Expert, being able to change lives, deepen connection and make moments count… I celebrate all Dad Bloggers who do so, and for Mommy Bloggers after so many glass ceilings, barely just getting the vote and supporting our global sisters in body trafficking… we still have a ways to go in celebrating the Feminine on this planet… thus I’m thrilled women can excel at motherhood with the support of the blogging lifestyle, and lift us to continue to support all relationships to thrive and families to flourish. 

    • http://www.brucesallan.com Bruce Sallan

      TY for your WISE comment, Allana – what I love about this new “Wild West” – to quote you – is all the choice we ALL have…may it continue!

  • http://twitter.com/embedle Embedle

    I don’t know anything about parenting, but I know about social media, and I thought this article was interesting.  It does seem that “mom bloggers” outnumber “dad bloggers” by a huge amount, and they make better use of social media.  This blog is actually the only “dad blog” I’ve ever seen.  I like your creation of #DadChat on Twitter though.

    • http://www.brucesallan.com Bruce Sallan

      Mike, we’re not THAT anonymous…come to #DadChat any Thursday night (see the posts about it here: http://www.brucesallan.com/category/main-categories/dadchat/

      There are quite a great group of dads writing and doing Social Media…we are way outnumbered – for sure – but we are growing and after all, size doesn’t matter anyway, does it?

      • http://twitter.com/embedle Embedle

        Yeah, I guess I’m just out of the loop.  I’ll check out #Dadchat next Thursday for sure.

        -Mike

        • http://www.brucesallan.com Bruce Sallan

          Mike, NOW you’re in the loop! Speaking of that, please sign up for my “Stay In the Loop” newsletter on the home page!

  • Chad Welch

    “Moms bloggers are a tad more sensitive than the dads. By that, I mean that if you say the least bit of a derogative thing to a mom or about moms, they will CRUSH you. The dads take things a bit more in stride. ”

    You should ask THEYCALLMECODY over at Babble if he thinks that is true.

    He wrote what I think was intended to be a fluff piece for mother’s day that got a lot of reactions from dads.

    http://blogs.babble.com/dadding/2012/05/09/top-10-things-mothers-do-better-than-fathers/

    Also dad bloggers were part of the uprising against the Huggies “ultimate test” campaign.  

    • http://www.brucesallan.com Bruce Sallan

      Yes Chad, dads were the LEAD in changing that Huggies campaign…but like our ranks in general, I’d estimate that happens about ONCE for every HUNDRED times the mom community gets brands to PAY attention and SMARTEN UP!

      • Chad Welch

        First, I’m not sure I buy the 100/1 ratio.  But even if that is the case that doesn’t prove that it is something genetic about the way moms respond compared to dads.  It may be that there are dads blogging in the same numbers as moms.  

        • http://www.brucesallan.com Bruce Sallan

          Chad, I’ll BET you $100 that there are many more mom bloggers than dad bloggers! Not sure how we’ll prove it, but I stand my that claim completely. My 100-1 ratio referred ONLY to the number of times moms have affected brands with their complaints vs. dads…to be clear.

          • Chad Welch

            Absolutely there are many more mom bloggers than dads.  In my last answer I said that may be part of the difference between the reactions is pure numbers and nothing to do with the way the sexes react to things.  

            It seems to me that dads are starting to react to negative portrayals of dads on the internet. I gave just 2 examples.

            So the question to me is the reaction you see in moms only highlighted because of their large number rather than their gender.  

          • http://www.brucesallan.com Bruce Sallan

            Let’s hear from some more moms, Chad?! I still believe a lot of it is our inherent gender differences vs. numbers of us!

          • Chad Welch

            “I still believe a lot of it is our inherent gender differences vs. numbers of us!”

            I don’t.  But that is just based on my experience.  The problem is we are both dealing with conjecture.  And so it is just as you described a “belief.”  In your post you seem to state it as fact.  Maybe I should presuppose that the things written on your blog are your beliefs and not facts, but in other paragraphs you say things like; “my unscientific study,” ” I believe,” “I can’t prove this.”

            Here is why I think it is important.  During the Huggies kerfuffle many of us were on the Facebook page expressing our opinion that the campaign was demeaning to dads and didn’t reflect the reality of modern fatherhood.

            And a lot of the responses were “man up, it’s just a joke.”  This same attitude that men aren’t suppose to respond to put downs.  

            If we are going to change the media then it is going to require men to stand up against those and demand change.  I don’t see it helpful saying men just don’t do that.

          • http://www.brucesallan.com Bruce Sallan

            Well said, well put Chad. I agree. Yes, 99% of what I write is simply my opinion. But, being as passionate as I am, I am SURE they are facts! LOL…

  • http://stay-at-homedadblunders.tumblr.com/ dadblunders

    I have been following the comments and wanted to add a couple things.

     My blog be it good, bad or indifferent is mine. I initially started a tumblr blog as a gift to my son. I love to write about things he has done, things me and my wife have done or things I find that are interesting on the net. I have been told I write with a lot of sincerity and passion and have developed a good number of followers on tumblr. I decided though that I wanted to do more and added my own URL where I could have more control over things than I currently can achieve in tumblr (I still have my tumblr blog).

    Now, i said all of that for a reason. I honestly think what matters most to any blogger is that they care about their work and they can be proud of it. I know that I am proud of what I do. Men versus women just doesn’t matter to me in writing. I have read some of the best mom blogs and some of the best dad blogs and the common denominator is that they care about what they do and share.

    Truthfully, advertisers will do whatever possible to help their bottom line. They love to go where they feel they can sell their products. I feel in some ways men and women have been “brain washed” from a very early age that men need to provide and women need to care. Stereo-types are what keep us from advancing as a society. Advertisers can (not always) help perpetuate that situation by making it seem a woman must do the housework, cooking, and childcare and dad is gone to work in their ads.

    I agree men and women are different. We will always be different biologically but we share a common denominator as bloggers. We all love our children.

    • http://www.brucesallan.com Bruce Sallan

      Beautifully put…we agree. I only put “vs.” in the title to hopefully draw more people in. My relationships with mom bloggers are almost universally wonderful. Sometimes, I “hear” about issues between them but I’ve been able to always stay out of those “fights” and I want to continue to do so. I occasionally get to un-PC or flirty with a mom who doesn’t know that that is my style, not my intention…but mostly, I do well and, frankly, I LOVE women. #1 though is my wife @DebraLUsher:twitter 

  • http://twitter.com/BrainDad BrainDad

    In our times, the stereotype of a “good dad” involves making money to pay the bills and provide health insurance for their families, all the while playing an active role in their child’s day to day development. It makes sense that many dads are now aspiring influencers of brands who hope to gain endorsements in the bargain. This is the most sought after measure of influence in today’s online communities. 

    At the same time, we are experiencing a paradigm shift led by the forerunners of a new kind of dad, who seeks to connect with other parents about the needs and stories of their children’s lives the same way my wife connects with other mothers on Facebook. Dad bloggers are helping each other become successful in monetizing their online presence with the idea that what is good for one is good for all. It’s interesting to me that women are supposed to be the ones who seek community and relationships, while research about men has pointed toward a more competitive role in society.  

    Dad bloggers or mom bloggers, parents are the most important influencers of policies that impact the ways our children are cared for and educated at every level in our political system, from individual schools and classrooms to the halls of congress. They are the ones who have to speak up, and advocate for their children if we are going to have opportunities to produce as many scientists, inventors, artists, and changemakers as we do pundits in the world to come. I wonder when the competitors AND community makers will begin to use their influence to monetize that effort.   

    • http://www.brucesallan.com Bruce Sallan

      Wow, you chose JUST the right Twitter handle, Brain Dad ’cause you got some smarts! Thanks so much for the wise and thoughtful comment!

  • http://twitter.com/BarryBirkett Barry Birkett

    C’mon Bruce, you need to start telling us what’s really on your mind!

    Any blogger – be they mom, dad or just someone who had a mom or dad – who is successful built that success on combining a message with an audience interested in that message – not to mention brands interested in both. I respect anyone who has found that combination and enjoy learning from them. 

    To say brands are just discovering dad bloggers underestimates the brands. Are they interested in bloggers, mom, dad or otherwise, in and of themselves or is their interest the audience the bloggers attract? I am sure dad bloggers who attract a following of interest to brands and have an image with which the brands feel comfortable will likewise attain commercial success.

    As for the question of which parent stays home, I would add that there are a lot of families that have found success with both parents working outside the home!

    All this being said, I look forward to a part two – – if you dare!

    • http://www.brucesallan.com Bruce Sallan

      Barry, you know me…bashful, shy, unassuming…

  • http://www.daddysbroke.com/ Craig

    This speaks to my heart so much Bruce. Sorry I haven’t been around the dad-blog-osphere in a few days, moving can be quite a pain!

    Anyways, I’m going to continue to keep doing my Dad blog as a hobby and if I make money from it down the road, great! It would just be icing on the cake. I do believe that the community for mom bloggers is MUCH more established. That just comes from my Wife being a Mom blogger. There are SO MANY BLOGS! It blows my mind.

    • http://www.brucesallan.com Bruce Sallan

      Doing it from the heart should ALWAYS come first, Craig…if money follows, so be it!

      • http://www.daddysbroke.com/ Craig

        Amen!

  • Jennifer Howze

    Very interesting thoughts and observations. Here in the UK the dad blogging community is just catching on, but already we’re seeing it grow very quickly. I agree that mum and dad bloggers are different in tone and what they write about. It’s refreshing to see a post that doesn’t resort to the old “Dad Bloggers Are From Mars…” viewpoint.

    • http://www.brucesallan.com Bruce Sallan

      Thank you, Jennifer. Eager to hear from more #mom #bloggers

  • http://brianvickery.com Brian Vickery

    I suspect you will get contributions from some of the DadChat tribe that are stay at home Dads. They definitely stay at home by choice, and they can’t stand the “babysitter” title that dads seem to have vs simply being called a parent on equal footing.

    I’ve definitely seen where Mom bloggers seem to have more monetized blogs and write more product reviews. I’ve also seen plenty of infographics explaining the influence of those mom bloggers.

    Me, I’m in a different category. I do not do product reviews, and I do not monetize my blog. To each their own…

    • http://www.brucesallan.com Bruce Sallan

      I’m with you – doing product reviews is NOT my thing but has clearly developed into quite an industry for some!

  • http://www.daddymojo.net/ Trey Burley

    It’s a big internet, there’s space for mom blogger, dad bloggers, product review bloggers or parent bloggers.  For me it boils down to why you do what you do.  I do some reviews,but I try not to be a review centric site.  I’m also aware that the majority of my readers are women.  It’s not that I try to write with more estrogen, I just write.  I read mom blogs and I read dad blogs, some are up my alley and some aren’t. 

    I would agree with all of your points and expect the number of male/dad product review sites or columns to increase.   

    • http://www.brucesallan.com Bruce Sallan

      Trey, I think most of us dads have a large female following…everything I do has “dad” in it, but the moms come and I love ’em. THAT, ironically, is the only advantage I think we do have over moms. Their community is largely other moms while ours is both dads and moms.

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  • thecynicalcrayon

    Interesting article Bruce!  Often times I enjoying reading dad blogs more than mom blogs. I guess it’s nice to hear about parenting from a different perspective. As a SAHM blogging is something I do as a hobby. I like to think of my blog as one part diary/confessional/means of keeping my sanity. Making money would be nice but not the primary goal. One day I will compile my entries into a book so my kids can read them. Maybe in the future we will start seeing more Auntie blogs or Uncle blogs thrown into the mix. 

    • http://www.brucesallan.com Bruce Sallan

      Do join us at #DadChat on Thursdays from 6-7 pm PT – we have a GREAT community of dads AND moms each week. I promise you’ll have fun, maybe learn something, and for sure make a friend or two!