Girl Talk: A Woman’s Opinion on Valentine’s Day

Category: Men vs. Women Series, Weekly Columns

I’m honored to have my friend Kim Tracy Prince pen this guest blog…more on KTP at the end of this columnl

Top Five Reasons Women Hate Valentine’s Day

5.  We are vengeful bitches who hate people and only want all of the candy, flowers, and red hearts to ourselves. Other people should not be happy. Only us.

4.   Our [boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/partner/wife] is a person who does not have a romantic bone in his/her body. He/she seemed to have it when we first met him/her, but then once we declared that we were his/hers for life, it disappeared. Every year we hope and pray that this year will be the year that he/she will wise up and at least bring home a lovely card, or – hoping beyond hope – we’ll get taken out to dinner or perhaps serenaded with a boom box playing a Carly Rae Jepsen cover of “In Your Eyes.” But usually we are terribly disappointed, and we haven’t yet resorted to buying our own gifts and telling him/her what he/she got us.

3.  We have great disdain for holidays that have become commercialized. We prefer to show our love to our loved ones 24/7, 365 days a year, thankyouverymuch. We are loving, creative individuals who wear our hearts on our sleeves, and our loved ones know we love them. We don’t need Hallmark/tinyprints/1-800-Flowers to remind us to show we care.

2.  We are harried working mothers and the list of 24 classmates to whom we must address the ever-increasingly clever Valentines have just become one more pain in the ass on our to-do list. “Chloe? You don’t even like her,” we say to our precious child, as we vainly try to keep the list small enough that a store-bought box of Spongebob Squarepants Valentines will cover the day. Alas. Every asshole stay-at-home mom has one, two, and five-upped us with their Pinterest-inspired photo Valentines with candy heart lollipops inserted to look like Cupid hit their kids. Junior comes home with a bag full of paper and candy. When did Valentine’s Day become a red and white Halloween, anyway?

And the number one reason women hate Valentine’s Day is:

1.  We don’t have a [boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/partner/wife]. In the days leading up to and including Valentine’s Day, it suddenly seems like everyone we know is in a relationship, and every relationship looks wonderful and romantic. And all of the advertising that companies do to promote their Valentine’s Day specials sounds like it’s saying “Suck it, loser. You’re going to die alone.”

Top 5 Reasons Women Love Valentine’s Day

5.  One word:  a socially acceptable reason in American culture to eat chocolate.

4.  We are secretly crushing on a potential [boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/partner/wife] and this day gives us the perfect opportunity to tell him/her how we feel. And since we are clever and suave enough to have concealed our growing feelings for him/her all this time, we are also smart and creative enough to figure out an awesome way to express our crush, which will totally make him/her fall awesomely in love with us and we will live happily ever after. Also, we are optimists.

3.  We married or are dating a [boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/partner/wife] who is incredibly thoughtful and observant and takes great pains every year to make us feel like the delicate flower we really are. Or that we once were, at least back when we met him/her. On this day every year he/she really makes us feel special. Oh sure, we manage to swing by Rite Aid and pick out a funny-slash-naughty card that will make him/her chuckle, but that’s nothing compared to the awesome sex everyone is going to get later.

2.  We are mothers who enjoy seeing experiences through our children’s eyes. Also, making Valentines with our own two hands, which you can’t or wouldn’t really do if you didn’t have kids. Kids are such great excuses to whip out construction paper and glue sticks, aren’t they? We find the crafting process to be so relaxing. It’s like meditation, really. And when we’re done with all that crafty bonding, we have something adorable that we produced to share with our children, and our children can share it with their friends at school, and we will look like the awesome crafty mothers we are.

And the number one reason women love Valentine’s Day:

1.  It’s the one day every year that we are encouraged to stop what we’re doing and express our love to the people in our lives whom we love. Even if we don’t have a [boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/partner/wife], there are plenty of people we love. Also dogs.  Why not give our dogs a Valentine?  Don’t you judge us, happy coupled up people.  Everyone needs someone or something to love. We are giving, generous, selfless people who do far more for others than we do for ourselves, and so we relish this day for its sanctioned opportunity to show someone we care with no expectations. If we receive Valentines or gifts, that’s just icing on the cake.

This post’s playlist:

Fannin Street – Scarlett Johansson
Such Great Heights – Postal Service
My Little Bee – Minipop
I Am the Cosmos – Pete Yorn and Scarlett Johansson
Green Grass – Scarlett Johansson
I’m Yours – Jason Mraz
Clean Getaway – Maria Taylor
Fade Into You – Mazzy Star

Kim Tracy Prince is a blogger and advice columnist who pens the modern-day etiquette blog Q&A “Got Your Back.”  She is an expert at everything.
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  • Daniel Alexander

    When reading the title I thought this was a serious post, but after reading I see it’s really funny
    Thanks for sharing Kim.
    Thanks for pointing out number 5 on the hate side.
    We all know that, but needed a woman to say it 😉

    • Bruce Sallan

      Thanks so much @danielalex_book:twitter – Kim aka @KimTracyPrince:twitter rocked it!

  • Donna

    Very sweet. But of course, I am a fan of KTP.

    • Bruce Sallan

      Who isn’t @9b61438b9905dfbfbf16d93da63f169e:disqus 

  • Kim Prince

    Thanks for the comments, folks, and for lending me your platform, Bruce!  Myself, I’m a combo of all those women.  I think many of us are!

    • Bruce Sallan

      All I know is that you’re ONE FINE WOMAN @KimTracyPrince:twitter 

  • jetts31

    Soooo, you’re saying you love it? Or you hate it? If I’m applying this to my wife, I think I’m going with she loves it and pull the trigger on some combination of chocolate/flowers/jewelry (or better yet all three) 😉 Fun post. 

    • Bruce Sallan

      I think @KimTracyPrince:twitter is lovin’ it but giving a balanced and honest view – laced with just the right amount of humor!

    • Kim Prince

      By all means, PULL THE TRIGGER.  You’re a good man.

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  • Heather Buen

    Interesting take and pretty funny. Hmmmm, after careful consideration of why I hate Valentine’s Day. I really don’t, but awhile back I used to sell flowers over the phone. Valentine’s Day was the most busiest time of the year in the floral industry. The commissions were awesome BUT I received calls from ungrateful women who didn’t like the flowers they received. My tip to guys if you are unsure, for the love of all that’s holy – GET THE DOZEN RED ROSES. Don’t get anything else, not the baby’s breath, not the multi floral filler. Please! The other thing I hated was the military guy buying ten of the same bouquet for different ladies and putting the same message on the card. As for what I love about Valentine’s Day as a single mom? Seeing all the women at work and their faces light up when they receive something. Also I like seeing my daughter’s faces when we put out Valentine’s Day decorations. Honestly I gain more weight at Valentine’s Day than Christmas.

    • Bruce Sallan

      Great advice for us guys on #ValentinesDay, @DallasSingleMom:twitter aka Heather. I always go for the roses, but like to vary the color and my wife seems to like the cool colors too…but never mix up the colors ’cause that looks tacky. I just asked my wife what she wanted for Valentine’s Day and she happily told me she wanted something sort of big for both VD and her BD, which is in early March. I happily said “Yes” and she’s going to go get it herself today – a designer handbag. I don’t GET those things at ALL, especially for the price, but if it makes her happy, then I have a better shot at being happy, too! It took me a fraction of a second to say YES!

    • Kim Prince

      Heather, these are great stories!  I agree about the floral fillers – baby’s breath, UGH.  And yes, the chocolate.  Oy, I think I have to train now to make some space for the extra calories!

  • Sandy Jenney

    So true on both sides of the story. Personally I like Valentine’s Day. It gives me an excuse to be able to spend time with my hubby.. without kids. He isn’t a big gift giver – he has learned that I still love to get soft stuffed animals though (the kid in me I guess) .. he can pick up one of those at Kroger for $10. I’m thrilled! lol  I just love the thought of Valentine’s Day. 

    • Bruce Sallan

      Darn, where were YOU when I was dating @OrganizerSandy:twitter ? LOL…my response to this Girl Talk…in the form of Guy Talk will be published Friday so stay tuned!

  • justsayinghere

    HORRIBLE. Where is the love? Why to get so RESENTFUL about a day for love? What’s not to like about that??

    • Bruce Sallan

      You are taking this WAY too serious! Happy Valentine’s Day to you, too @justsayinghere:disqus 

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  • Josh

    Feh on Valentine’s Day. Time for the million man march on Hallmark and this fake holiday.

    • Bruce Sallan

      @JoshuaWilner:twitter I’ll be there!

  • Daniel Alexander

    Bruce, I’m sure this was up the other day…
    Am I losing my mind?
    Is it dé·jà vu?
    I like what Kim say about love your dogs.
    That’s cool 🙂
    But one thing to add, why not treat everyday like Valentines Day; love everyone, everyday.

    • Bruce Sallan

      Daniel, I agree that every day we should appreciate our partner and show it – in small ways all the time and, occasionally, in unexpected big ways! 

      I don’t think this was posted twice…but I’ve posted a bunch of V-day things…

      • Daniel Alexander

        Maybe I’m losing my mind…
        Damn it!

  • ginavalley

    I love Valentine’s Day.  It’s great fun.  Decorations, chocolate, fine meals, trinkets, toys, and earrings. What’s not to love?  Our family loves this extra reminder to show each other our affection for one another.

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  • David Weber

    My opinion is that if someone needs one day a year to stop what he or she is doing and express his or her love to others, that person simply doesn’t need to be involved in an intimate relationship, and needs to be trained/taught how to be a human being.  Most healthy people are doing that sort of thing already, and at a variety of times during the day/week, and in a variety of methods.  

    Having one day a year to do it actually lets slugs off the hook … for example, girlfriend speaking to boyfriend: “I gave you a power drill to say I love you last Valentine’s Day, why do I have to tell you I love you today, it’s only November, wait a couple of months and I’ll hook you up….”  In that relationship, boyfriend is a wienie, and girlfriend is a menace to society.I wouldn’t want to be involved with someone who could get that together exactly once a year.  We don’t have one a day a year dedicated to, say, having a sense of humor or being curious about the world. Those are simply what you sign up to do on a regular basis as a mature humanoid life form. 

    • Bruce Sallan

      So, how do you really feel @7f990e539df4ddefe26884eb65a5f04c:disqus ? What about Mother’s and Father’s Day?