• http://twitter.com/StormnetMedia2k Stormnet Media

    This article really touched my heart. Dealing with a betrayal of a friend of 10 years. Thank you for writing Bruce, many others need to here your wisdom.

    • http://www.brucesallan.com Bruce Sallan

      You’re very welcome. Good luck with the friend. Sometimes we just have to let go!

  • http://www.dadblunders.com/ dadblunders

    Bruce,

    The first thing I thought when I read this article was something my mother used to say about my grandmother. She would joke that my granny wasn’t the same person she grew up with (of course not she was my grandmother now). My mother would continue to joke and state my grandmother, “Was now an old person trying to get into heaven.” Your story about building up a moral bank reminded me of this,

    I believe that we all use moral banks to some extent but truthfully do they matter? All it takes is one serious mistake and a person can lose every credit they feel they have earned. A serious mistake can make the loss of marriages, children, families and friends seem like a moral bank is irrelevant. I think it is more prudent to not place stock in moral banks (as much as possible anyway). Just live our lives and do the best we can. Live to be an example to others and we will never have to use a moral bank. 

    As you well know, people are always going to disappoint us and things are always going to happen. Placing stock in yourself and your actions is the best recourse we can ever have.

    Aaron 

    • http://www.brucesallan.com Bruce Sallan

      Aaron, we are on the same page!

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  • David Weber

    There is a lot to be said for these perspectives.  I am not sure what my own position on them is; I would have to read this again and reflect.

    I do believe that forgiveness is always available to decide to bestow on someone; there may be an argument one could make that no reason exists for not or never forgiving.  I remember reading a news story about a mother whose young daughter was killed, and perhaps raped first, by a certain man who was convicted of the crime and sent to prison. The mother began writing to this killer, eventually visiting him quite often in prison and constructing a friendship with him. 

    This is NOT one of those stories about a guy in prison and a woman on the outside falling in love, though. It “doesn’t go there.” It is a forgiveness story.  What prompted the woman to get in contact with the killer in the first place was not some creepy lonelyhearts thing: She was quite religious and believed that the entire incident involving the brutal murder of her daughter could be best understood as a test God gaver her to teach her forgiveness and what it means to forgive.  She was bound and determined to forgive because she felt it was what she most needed to learn to do.  She believed that she couldn’t do so until she actually could know this man as a human being apart from being the murderer of her daughter.  She recalled how powerfully emotional was the moment when, during a visit to the prison, she honestly said to the man, “I forgive you.” Both she and the killer wept together for several minutes.

    I have mentioned this story in a variety of situations and to a number of people over the years.  Most people I share the story with think the woman was nuts or weird. I must be missing something, because I find it to be a very moving story about what forgiveness is all about, what it can be, and how it can liberate.  I think the woman was remarkably noble and unconditionally committed to certain values she stood on.  It is a story to hold up as a challenge: Could I do what she did?  SHOULD someone forgive under those circumstances?  These are profound questions that seem to bypass the bank account metaphor.

    • http://www.brucesallan.com Bruce Sallan

      It is moving David, but I sure as hell couldn’t do that!