A Cornucopia of Unrelated Revelations

Category: Weekly Columns

For something new, here is a cornucopia of unrelated revelations I have come across….

1.    I text when I drive?  My younger son gets crazy on me and points it out in the same way I’d point out a mistake or poor choice he’d make.  It doesn’t give me much credibility when I continue this dangerous and foolish behavior.

2.    Why is it that our kids seem so much more aware of life (e.g. sex) yet seem to mature later and leave the house even later?

3.    Does anyone have dinner parties anymore?

4.    Has modern technology made our lives easier or more complicated?  It was touted, especially computers, as the panacea for the busy person.  I think it’s backfired totally as everyone is more overwhelmed today. Do you remember when you got your first answer machine and thought that was cool?

5.    Kids go on group dates these days.  I never recall going on a group date.  There were groups I was part of through camp, team sports, and such, but when and why did this group dating thing begin?  And, I gather it’s a big deal for proms as well.  I think I’d rather have my date alone, as it was in “the day,” to quote my teenager when talking about when I grew up.

6.    Did you ever have a pen pal and look forward to getting the mail just to check if you’d received a letter from them?  Do you remember writing letters longhand and taking pleasure in reading a response, from someone you liked as a friend or more, repeatedly, and saving them in a special place?

7.    Why does time seem to go faster the older we get?  My theory is simple.  Obviously, time is finite, but our perception of it changes as we get older and our lifetime is shorter.  So, if your lifespan is 90 and you’re 9 years old, you have 90% of your life ahead of you.  On the other hand, if you’re 45, you only have 50% remaining.  Consequently, your perspective changes as we age.

8.    Thank you “Rock Band” for making a Beatles version, ‘cause now my kids finally like The Beatles and we can all sing-a-long.

9.    What happened to nice neighbors?  When did everyone become so confrontational and when did HOAs (Home Owners Associations) get so crazy with their totalitarian-like rules, fines, and enforcement?

10.  I love real life gender related stories that show the inherent differences between the sexes.  When the movie version of “Where the Wild Things Are” came out, Will’s girlfriend and her girlfriends all wanted to see it.  Will and his buddies all said “Yech” and came over and watched all four “Die Hard” movies instead.  Classic.

11.  During the baseball playoffs, the boys and I were listening to a Dodgers game on the radio.  David, not a sports fan, heard Vin Scully’s voice doing the play-by-play and said “this sounds like something from the thirties or forties.”  Another classic moment.  I don’t think Mr. Scully has been around that long?

12.  The other morning, as every morning, I took my three dogs for a walk.  My oldest dog, Tache, began limping on the way home.  I put down my very full bag of poop, and knelt down next to her and lifted one of her paws.  There was a burr in it.  I removed it; she looked at me, and then trotted off.  As I was about to get up, I saw a shiny new penny, heads up, right where I’d stopped.

13.  This past Veteran’s Day, my wife and I encountered a man at the (car) body shop.  His license plate read something like “5871PH” and it turned out that was his Purple Heart number.  He related a couple of “war stories” and we patiently listened, laughed and cried, and let him know how much he was appreciated.  Turned out to be a great way to celebrate Veteran’s Day.

14.   My wife likes to tell me what to do, likes to complain how what I’m doing is the wrong way and otherwise likes to boss me around. But, for a recent day or so, she was off her game and hadn’t said a critical word. Was she well?  What was going on?  Well, at the exact moment I was thinking that, while making my morning coffee, she pipes up with, “I liked it better when you had your coffee machine square (rather than the angle I now use) as I had more counter space.” I started laughing and pretty much couldn’t stop.  You like it square vs. at an angle?  Are you kidding me?

15.  I was at the gym on November 18, 2009 and saw the following on HLN (CNN’s sister News Channel):  “More Drink, More Sex in Co-Ed Dorms?” Now, there was no sound but I could guess what the story was about as the headline was abundantly clear: some study or report “discovered” that there was more drinking and more sex in co-ed gyms.  Duh? Can you believe the investigative journalism going on?  What a shocker! Edward Murrow is rolling over in his grave.

16.  I’m going to reveal a little secret—please don’t tell my wife as she’ll flip out.  As she rarely reads my columns, I think my secret is safe.  Hmmm, but her parents do so please, K&E, don’t mention this to her. We live on a large property in a very rural area of our city.  As we have three dogs, I often take them for walks.  I don’t know how this began, but I occasionally join my big dog, always walked on a leash, and urinate with him somewhere in the bushes.  Call this a primitive bonding ritual, but it gives me a kick.  So we’re agreed, the secret is safe?