My son, Arnie Sallan, wrote and performed this song with his buddy, Jay. Arnie did all the vocals, too. He then made this music video in honor of my book, “A Dad’s Point-of-View: We ARE Half the Equation,” which you can find/buy at “The Store” here on BruceSallan.com.
We all have made New Year’s resolutions. Last year I wrote a different column about them in which I included both my own New Year’s resolutions and some wishes for others, the world, and myself. This year, rather than repeat another set of resolutions and wishes, I’m going to do a New Year’s resolution scorecard, based on the results from last year. And, like last year, there will be no particular order, though unlike last year, I will have a score at the end.
I find it hard to believe but this is my one hundredth “A Dad’s Point-of-View” column. How best to celebrate this milestone? I’d like to look back at the previous 99 and choose the strongest ten ideas among them and briefly share them with you, by giving the title of the column and a short summary of what may be the little pearl of wisdom that came out of the 800 plus words contained within it.
1. There’s No Such Thing as Quality Time.
I learned early on in my parenting that the often-quoted notion of “Quality Time” was bunk. The only thing that matters to our children is “Quantity Time” since the only time they will open up is when they are good and ready. You can’t schedule time with your children the way you might with a business appointment and the moments that will surprise you the most are when you least expect it. There is no such thing as quality time, only quantity time.
For me, my Father’s Day is a melancholy experience. I certainly appreciate the attention that I get from my two boys and my wife. My younger son tends to make an artistic gift for me, since he’s the artist of the family, while my older one will scribble some sweet sentiments on a piece of scrap or notebook paper, and my wife will usually make me a glorious meal of my choosing.
While I appreciate all this love showered my way, my Father’s Day also makes me melancholy over the memory of my late father, who was a wonderful man. I’ve written about him before, but I want to always keep his memory present in my mind and the minds of my boys.
I admit it; I like going away without my wife sometimes. And, I suspect she feels the same? She occasionally wants to visit her parents, who live out of town, without having to worry about me. After all, I am a helpless male.
Let’s face it; we sometimes like separate time and even separate vacations. I ended up being alone over Christmas for ten days and while I missed my family, I loved answering to no one. And, for my wife, I know she needs that separate time, too.
There was a recent Pew Center study (http://bit.ly/PewCtr) that revealed how much more equal income has become between the genders. In more cases than ever, more women are working and more women are earning higher income than their male counterparts. While I believe totally in equal pay for equal work, I do question the impact on relationships when the woman is making more than the man.
With each generation becoming more accustomed to gender equality, I feel it will eventually settle into a comfortable reality that men and women will accept. But, for now and maybe longer, the inherent gender differences may remain and be a problem between couples when the woman is making more than the man.