Moral Question of the Week: Do You Rescue (Your Loved Ones)?

Category: Moral Question of the Week

Right and Wrong

This is a tough question because like most moral questions, there are nuances to it. For those familiar with AA and Al-Anon, the idea of rescuing a loved one is front and center. IF your loved one is an adult the general thinking is that rescuing = enabling. However, when do we stop “rescuing” our children? When do they begin to “own” their own actions? Of course I do not mean life and death situations, but forgetting to do homework? Do YOU do it for them?

And, what about our adult children? How long are you going to let your 22-year-old college graduate live at home? How about your 30-year-old that just quit their job? And, if your adult children have children – YOUR grandchildren – does that influence your thinking when they ask for your help?

NOT an easy question…I welcome your comments!

  • Nisha Varghese

    you rescue them if you see that they are trying to rescue themselves

    • Bruce Sallan

      @nisha_varghese:disqus – could you please elaborate? I’m not sure I understand, Nisha…#DadChat

  • BarbaraDuke

    When my Dad died in 1994, I knew not to ask for help from anyone else. I realized that I was on my own and there was no one who would help me. My mother did sometimes by paying the gas for trips to her house to visit. We were taught not to expect any one else to pay our bills. But, when my daughter tells me she is running short and doesn’t have money to buy groceries for my grandchildren, I send money. Then within a couple of days, they tell me they have traded in their car for a newer model, or bought a new TV. They do help us out by taking care of our vacation home. Since I have been sick, they have come here and cleaned the yard and house when I couldn’t. I don’t really expect to be repaid. I decided a long time ago that I would not loan money, I would give it if I have it. It frees your mind and soul. Takes the stress away. I used to loan, but I would get stressed over people paying me back. This works for me. I have a motto: If there is a choice, choose kindness.

    • Bruce Sallan

      Good motto @BarbaraDuke:disqus – I don’t loan anymore as well – I give or not at all…