It’s often said that the biggest causes of divorce are sex, money, and “the kids.” I would argue that a bigger cause of dissention is food (and the kitchen). In continuing this blog series – and the pre-cursor to a book based on these columns – let’s tackle this divisive issue between men and women!
There really can’t be any discussion of the kitchen without some acknowledgment of cleaning habits IN the kitchen and that is probably where the dissention begins and ends. After all, most men don’t understand “cleaning” a sink or why dishes left in the sink need to be cleaned until you’ve run out of clean ones? Hello!
Okay, enough of that detour. Let’s go back to men and women and their food and kitchen habits and do so in my usual format of a list, alternating between men and women and in no order of relevance other than what pops into my mind first:
~~ The five-second rule really isn’t something we guys comprehend. If a perfectly good French fry should happen to fall to the ground, we will wrestle the dog for it even if it’s longer than five-seconds!
~~ Women clean as they cook. Men don’t understand this. Cooking and cleaning are unrelated as far as we can tell.
~~ Food is for eating. So, when there’s a party about to happen in the house and food is OUT in the open, men will GO FOR IT. What’s the problem with that?
~~ As far as women are concerned, men can do one thing – turn on the grill. Most women let their men delude themselves that he knows how to grill. Behind the scenes, their women have marinated and seasoned everything going on the grill and the women are checking to be sure the guys don’t burn it all.
~~ Men like all things alcohol. The bigger the glass, the better too! Women like delicate drinks with cute names and tend to like sweet wines or white wine only. If there’s a blender, most guys will put any alcohol they have in it and be really happy. Maybe a banana and some ice might also go in. Only James Bond cares if it’s stirred, not shaken.
~~ Women can eat a bite or two of dessert. Men don’t understand this thinking at all. Hello? That cake should be finished! What, you’re leaving some Ben and Jerry’s in the cartoon? Oh, and speaking of ice cream, guys like eating it out of the cartoon. Why get a bowl dirty, let alone waste the time?
~~ The way to load a dishwasher – for men – is simple. Cram it in however and wherever it fits.
~~ Women believe there’s a difference between the top and bottom drawers of a dishwasher and that plastic belongs in one of them (I don’t remember which) and that utensils should be up or down (again, I don’t remember which one).
~~ Speaking of dishes, men don’t understand why ANY dish should cost for than a buck or two? Oh, and you have to hand-dry them? What’s with that?
~~ Women can salivate over a beautiful set of silver or place setting. Men will salivate over the women salivating over the silver or place setting. And, men don’t even understand the concept of “silver” when it comes to knives and forks. A good knife – for chopping – and a good ax – for chopping, we may understand. But one set of silver for several hundred dollars? Excuse me? We can buy a new TV with that amount of dough!
~~ My dad was the perfect husband. He didn’t understand why, but he dutifully polished all the sterling silver.
~~ As far as sex and this column, there’s no real reason for its inclusion in the title except to titillate. I love that word. Well, women do like chocolate and there’s a reason it’s THE gift for Valentine’s Day. And, now we know that there are healthful benefits to chocolate so men – Pay Attention – and get your ladies some chocolate. You might get lucky.
~~ Ladies, the old cliché that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach is a cliché for a good reason – it’s true. And ladies, I know you read everything about food and know every new supplement and new warning about what is good or bad for you. For the sake of your relationships, relax with that stuff when your guy is drinking a beer or eating a rack of ribs.
Except for newlyweds and some youngins, sex is an activity that may occur once or twice a week, maybe more frequently or less, but eating tends to occur two to three times a day. Consequently, pay attention to what you eat, how anal you are about your eating habits, and cut us guys some slack here and there…