Ten Elementary Differences Between Men and Women, Part One

Category: Men vs. Women Series, Weekly Columns

For this post I easily could have listed 500 or more, as the number of differences between the sexes is vast. Note that I used the word, “Sexes,” rather than gender. I hate the word, “Gender” almost as much as I hate being Politically Correct! So, a disclaimer: If you are a Professor of Women’s Studies you might want to go visit Gloria Steinem’s web site.

A second disclaimer: This man loves and respects women so this column is not anti-woman at all! What it is, from this one father and husband, is my honest look at our differences with the only guiding principle being the truth, plus a touch of humor.

I am going to alternate men and women, so there will be equality with five differences each. Guys go first, of course, because we’re more important and women should be following behind us anyway. Now, that is my sense of humor. Get over any indignation you may be feeling right now! Trust me, in my house, my wife is the boss and I just pay the bills. Oh, and one more thing. Seriously. Every generality or even stereotype has its exceptions so I declare here and now that any given item on this list will not apply to every man or woman.

1. Men Like to Look at Women
There’s a reason there are more “Men’s” magazine with scantily clad or naked women than the equivalent for women. Playgirl was it. Guys like to look, like variety, and are made to procreate. We control that instinct for the betterment of family. Women like to nurture and care much more what is inside. Sorry, that’s the truth!

men looking at women

2. Women Like Funny Men
So, what is #1 on guy’s lists for the woman they seek? Looks, of course (you did read the first difference on this list!). What is #1 (or #2) for women? Sense of humor. You make ‘em laugh, you have a chance. Not funny, not gonna get a second chance!

3. Men Could Make Love to a Shoe
Hmmm, I declared that I wouldn’t bash women, but it’s beginning to feel like I’m bashing men! Yes, guys can “make love” (please substitute an inappropriate word that makes this read better) to a shoe. Pathetic, isn’t it?

4. Women Buy Shoes, But Only Like to Make Love to a Human Being
Every book like “The Game” and its ilk advise guys that the best way to get a woman is by listening, paying attention, being funny, being smart, and not by being your natural self – a slug. Women have discretion. They have taste. They like to talk!

5. Guys Would Prefer to Eat With Their Fingers and Wipe Their Hands on Their Shirt
What is a napkin anyway, but a waste of paper? We guys are especially environmentally conscious and therefore would prefer not to waste natural resources like paper, linen, and various metals. What’s wrong with our fingers, our mouths, and our shirts?

6. Women Like White Wine
Women would still drink Shirley Temples if they were called “Angelina’s” or the equivalent. Ugh. Sweet drinks: those horrible concoctions with a little umbrella and maraschino cherry in them. Oh, and yes, white wine. Just a glass; I’m on a diet.

7. Guys Show Other Men Love By Putting Each Other Down
“Hey Dude, you sure are ugly!”
“I’m ugly? You’re fatter than a pregnant pig!”
“Great to see you Bruce!”
“I love you too, man, let’s watch the game”
Can you imagine that dialogue between two women?

8. Women Actually Talk to Their Women Friends
Women stay friends for decades. They meet for coffee and talk. They exchange e-mails that are more than a few sentences. Texting or grunting at one another isn’t a relationship to women.

9. Men Watch Sports and Action Movies
We used to like Arnold. We still like Bond, James Bond whoever plays him. A man hitting other men is good. Boxing. Football. Ice Hockey. The more blood the better…oh, I’m referring to movies, now.

10. Women Watch Lifetime/Ellen/The View and like Nancy Myers Movies
Can we talk about our feelings just a bit more, please? Yeah, women like to talk about their feelings. That’s why they watch those female-hosted daytime shows like the late Oprah, The View (guys, we can all throw-up now), Ellen, and Dr. Phil. Yeah, he’s really a woman. As for movies, have you EVER known anyone with a house as perfect as every character’s house in a Nancy Myers movie?

So, should I do Part Two? How about adding your suggestions of what is missing?

 

  • http://stanfaryna.wordpress.com Stan Faryna

    Shaking a stick at the tank, again? [grin]

    • http://www.brucesallan.com Bruce Sallan

      You bet, Stan…but, isn’t it ALL true?

  • http://stanfaryna.wordpress.com Stan Faryna

    Ok, let the games begin. My point by point comment…

    1. Both men and women appreciate the beauty of the human form – but men tend to look too long and hard. Men also tend not to know when they can and should not look. [grin]

    2. What’s up with that! Women seem more practical-minded than men – except regarding humor. So why is humor important- how does humor profundly contribute to survival or prosperity? [sigh] I complain only because I lack a sufficient sense of humor…

    3. A shoe is taking things too far. And it could suggest that our lovers are no better than shoes. [laughing] No wonder a woman’s self-esteem is ever in need of rescue. We are to blame, no?

    4. Why do women have so many shoes?

    5. I’ll argue that women prefer to eat with their hands too – when no one is watching.

    6. Women understand that vinegar is not for drinking. Most men have not figured this out.

    7. Slaves believe camaraderie comes with the ripping flesh sprayed from the barbed flog.

    8. It takes one or more bottles of fine whiskey for men to talk to men. Considering the price of a bottle of Johnny Walker Blue Label, we can’t afford to talk too often. [grin]

    9. Men blindly attempt to rebuild their broken selves by seeing their pain poured out in the world. 

    10. Feelings for the sake of feelings is as dangerous as art for the sake of art. [grin]

    • http://www.brucesallan.com Bruce Sallan

      Now THAT is a comment! TY Stan. You may be right about #5? Ladies? True dat, #6…as long as it has alcohol! Yeah, tell that – #10 – to my wife…I’m ALWAYS hurting her feelings!

  • Moondustwriter

    There are some women who like getting ready in five (minutes not hours) , like a good belch and hate the phone…
    Nice post Bruce

    • http://www.brucesallan.com Bruce Sallan

      I want to meet HER!

  • http://www.habitationofjustice.com/ Lincoln Adams

    I’m sorry, I can’t be with any girl who drinks white wine.  I have to draw the line somewhere.

    • http://www.brucesallan.com Bruce Sallan

      I respect your standards, Lincoln!

  • http://twitter.com/profkrg Kenna Griffin

    Hmmm… based on this post, I think I may be a man ;)

    Way to entertain, Bruce.

    • http://www.brucesallan.com Bruce Sallan

      Funny, Kenna!…shall we go for a beer and burp together?

  • http://brianvickery.com Brian Vickery

    Classic post, Bruce – and I liked every one of the graphics. I think I Pinned that 1st one a few weeks back. I’ve tried to explain to my Vickery Girls about #7. And you should see my dumbfounded expression when there are tears involved!

    • http://www.brucesallan.com Bruce Sallan

      Thanks BV…I had soooo much fun writing this! 

  • http://www.dadetc.blogspot.co.uk/ Jhoar1949

    I enjoyed this post Bruce. The picture you opened with is SO true! I have just written a similar post on my blog – http://www.dadetc.blogspot.co.uk entitled “Why Mum Knows Best” – sometimes you just have to swallow your pride and admit it!

  • Bill Draeger

    I think this is a mostly repeat column but the graphics are much better.  I enjoyed it over again. However, I still take exception to the “screwing the shoe”  thing. 

    • http://www.brucesallan.com Bruce Sallan

      It is a re-purposed column, Bill…from 12Most.com…I had 12 in that list! As for the shoe thing, it ain’t my thing, but how do you explain that 15.8% of 4+inch heels are bought by men?

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  • David Weber

    “I used the word, ‘Sexes,’ rather than gender. I hate the word, ‘Gender’ almost as much as I hate being Politically Correct! So, a disclaimer: If you are a Professor of Women’s Studies you might want to go visit Gloria Steinem’s web site.”  In a response to another post here, Bruce, you mentioned that this column was repurposed from some earlier writing.  I read that essay when it first appeared a year or two ago.  At the time, I wrote a very long comment attempting to dispel the idea that there is something wrong with the word gender and that women’s studies programs are all cut from the same cloth; plus we had some communication off line about this matter.  Obviously, you are trying to be funny, and I agree that humor often in part stems from generalizations…but that aside, are you trying to p**s me off, or something with the routine inclusions of asides that seem to frame silly deficiencies of isolated college professors seem like mainstream realities in that profession, and in general, some kind of large-scale conspiracy against the culture generally?

    • http://www.brucesallan.com Bruce Sallan

      Yep, I’m trying to p**s you off, DW - lol – did you happen to read about the controversy over a women blogger who DARED to criticize Black Studies department’s doctoral topics? She wrote for a prominent academic journal and was decried as racist and a petition of thousands of college professors DEMANDED her firing, which this chicken-sh*t journal did. It that the FEW professors you’re talking about? 

      Evidently, the dissertation topics were “lightweight” to say the least. She also DARED to suggest that most of these ethnic studies departments, including Women’s Studies, defied the basic dissertation creed of posing a question and then answering it – or making a rational argument on its behalf. Instead she suggested that these departments and the dissertations she specifically pointed out ALREADY had the answers. And, that these departments generally worked that way.

      She made it quite clear this was NOT an isolated incident. 

      BTW, she is married to a black writer at the WSJ…and has two bi-racial children. Yeah, she’s a racist!

  • http://twitter.com/CrunchyCarpets Kerry Sauriol

    I watch action movie’s and my husband hates sports. Stereotypes are boring

    • http://www.brucesallan.com Bruce Sallan

      I disagree Kerry…stereotypes provoke dialogue!

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  • Cccully

    Bruce ..Thanks for imparting your great sense of humor on
    The amazing dynamics between sexes :) . I laughed &
    Laughed & laughed !

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