Men vs. Women: Looking

Category: Men vs. Women Series


I got lazy last year after a tumultuous time dealing with family issues, the haters online, and moving cross-country. But, recent comments on one of my previous “Men vs. Women” columns have motivated me to write another.


A couple of angry women took me to task, not by successfully arguing a point with a good counter argument, but by simply calling me names. I love when that happens because it only underscores that emotion guides their comments rather than any credible logic or facts. After all, in some circles, emotion matters more than truth or facts. Just go to most any college campus (in the United States).

So, I am emboldened RATHER than the least bit chastened and I will continue this politically Incorrect, but truthful, blog series by discussing how men and women differ in how they “look” at the opposite sex. Notice I used “sex,” instead of “gender” which is the choice word preferred by Gender Studies students.

I will add my usual qualification to these columns that my assertions are generalities and/or stereotypes (a stereotype doesn’t have to mean something negative – look it up!). And, with ALL generalizations or stereotypes, there are exceptions. But, they are generally true. Whether one likes that truth or not of any particular generality, that doesn’t discount its credibility.


Men and women are different. Most men and women look at the same things with different points of view. I think those differences strengthen each sex and are not necessarily good or bad. And, one area where those differences shine is how men look at women and how women look at men. By “look” I mean how we actually see, gaze at, stare, or ogle the opposite sex.

Let’s start with your local magazine rack, at least those newsstands that still exist and certainly those newsstands and magazine racks that were so common before the Internet.

How many “Men’s” magazines, such as Playboy, do you see at your local newsstand? How many similar magazines cater to women? I remember when Playgirl came out and featured a partially nude Burt Reynolds (he was a big star back in the day for those of you born in the 80’s or later). Women bought that premiere issue for the novelty of it.

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Is Playgirl still in print?

How many men’s magazines cluttered those newsstands? How many catered to women? Why the disparity? Because, men like variety and like to see partially or unclothed women. Women will take a look out of curiosity but rarely do it habitually. Why? Because other things interest women beyond looks!

I am guilty of habitually looking at women and sometimes even pulling an Exorcist with a spinning head while trying to follow a particular “subject.” Why do I do it? It feels truly organic and ingrained in me. Yes, I should and can control those “looks” and I try. Sometimes it just happens and it’s very disrespectful to anyone I’m with, especially my wife.


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Why do I (and other men) look so intently? I suppose it’s part of men’s genetic make-up and perhaps a bit societal, given all the sex that is publicly displayed and exhibited nearly everywhere.

My favorite bad male habit is when a man “checks out” another woman (when he is with a woman – who may be his partner) in a restaurant. “She” walks in or is sitting at a distant table and the guy stares at her or sneaks looks when his partner isn’t noticing.

WHAT does this guy think? That this “hottie” will come over to his table, politely interrupt, and tell the guy she has to have sex with him right now?


My personal solution to this occasional lapse in my behavior is to try and sit facing the wall and facing my wife so as not to humiliate myself by acting so childish, not to mention disrespecting her.

But again, I believe there’s something built into our (male) nature that motivates this behavior. Like all behavior that may be “built in,” we are still human and therefore capable of some control.

And women? They will occasionally notice a particularly striking man, but do they stare? Do they ogle? Do they really care? Do women “undress” a man in their mind the way a man does?

So, why are women so much better behaved in this regard? Simple. What drives women is far beyond looks. They actually care about things such as brains and, especially, humor.

Now, if a guy pulls up in a very expensive exotic car or shows up dressed to the nines with good shoes and a gold watch, SHE will notice.

Why the difference?

Because, those are signs of material success and wealth.

Women have an organic need to feel secure (materialistically and otherwise), while men have an organic need and drive to procreate.

It comes down to that, pure and simple!

  • Laria

    I’m with you on a lot of the points you made. I hate when women are complaining about men objectifying them when they are clearly asking for it by wearing barely there clothing. Women need to be more secure and they think men are interested in their clothes and nails, makeup, blah blah blah. While I do believe men naturally have a wandering eye, I think it’s up to the woman to be secure enough with herself to notice that if a man is with one woman, she should be happy because he chose her.

    While I do agree that it’s natural for a man to want to procreate (just like men usually want his their first child to be a boy) I think they also are capable of being monogamous, but monogamy doesn’t mean they can’t look.

    Men want to be accepted for who they are while women tend to try to mold themselves to what society and magazines tell them they should be. This is why women think “oh, he’ll change if he loves me” when the guy is thinking “if she loves me, she’ll accept me”.

    Great post ?

    • Bruce Sallan

      @koiledexpressions:disqus – you are a wise woman – and, sadly, a rarity. I fully expected the first comment to be an angry one calling me names!

      • Laria


        Thank you very much! Nah, I think people who call you names are just trying to deny the truth. If people would stop living in fantasy land and actually take time to observe the things around them, they might actually come to love the reality of things just as much (if not more) than the fictional form of happiness. I like to call myself an observant woman.

        • Bruce Sallan

          Name-callling is easy – refuting facts and really debating takes some thought and some brains. Sadly, too many people act simply on emotions or like lemmings following “their” group!

          • Laria

            Yes, you do make a valid point there. This is probably why I remain single lol