As I enter the twilight years of my life – or at least the latter half of my life – I have come to the conclusion that I will never fully understand women and sex. However, I have gotten better than the stumbling young man I used to be and wanted to share some random observations that may help other stumbling men (and women).
There is no order or priority to this rambling list of thoughts on sex:
~~ I watched a French movie recently that had sex as its main theme. So, what else is new (about French movies), you say? Well, this one – Blue Is the Warmest Color – had the unusual effect of actually influencing my thinking on an aspect of human sexuality.
“Blue” was a Cannes favorite and its two stars both got special awards at this infamous film festival. In fact, one of the two – Lea Seydoux – has been cast as the 24th Bond Girl – a noble achievement indeed.
This film is about the budding sexuality of an about-to-turn 18-year-old young woman. She has an encounter with a slightly older woman that turns into a full-blown lesbian relationship.
Given this was a French film; it was both long and explicit. Three hours for an intimate romantic tale is truly beyond what ANY American film would ever attempt. And, the NC-17 rating, due to its sex scenes, would never pass even contemporary values-naked Hollywood.
But, I warmed up to this film. First, the two lead performances were incredibly real. Their honors at Cannes were deserved. And, whether it was the few (two or three) explicit sex scenes or not, the movie gave me an understanding of lesbian love I’d never had before.
Why is this relevant? Because all love is condoned today. There is little shame associated with being gay, single, divorced, or choosing celibacy. This is a gigantic change in the human experience and a first in human history. Whether this is a good or bad thing, I leave to your judgment.
~~ Where do our kids learn about sex? Where do they learn about sex technique? I bumbled along for years because I had NO teachers. Without getting graphic, I admit I truly didn’t even understand the female anatomy until well into my adulthood.
Do our kids learn much in Sex Ed today? Yeah, they see photos and bananas, but do they really learn anything that will enhance their sexual lives as they begin that journey? I don’t know. I suspect not.
There’s lots of access to photos and video for anyone. But, I’ve learned that the most basic of all tools is the one that was taught to me the least – simply talking to and listening to your partner.
In my teen years and early 20’s, I never had a female partner who asked me for anything (sexually) or told me anything. I saw Sean Connery in James Bond and I saw a few Playboy magazines, but that was about the extent of my sexual education. Oh, my dad took me to a BBQ joint and sort of explained how it worked – I had NO clue about what he said then!
~~ Are women really more empowered today? We read about middle-school girls giving blowjobs to middle-school boys. We read and see how many middle-school girls dress (like “Ho’s”). And, we certainly have heard or seen how many middle-school girls text inappropriate photos of themselves with often dire consequences.
Where are the feminists in all of this? I think the feminists have done more damage to women AND men than good. Yes, we all agree there should be equal pay for equal work and, for the most part, that is the case in America. Title IX was supposed to create equality in sports among boys and girls but has largely resulted in killing many college men’s sports programs.
I believe the feminist mantra of we are all the same has completely backfired and the denial of our sexual behavioral differences has hurt both women and men.
Women don’t generally enjoy promiscuous behavior – go ahead, call me sexist – while men would live Hugh Hefner’s life in a nano-second if they could.
So, the upshot is a lot of confusion. Women feel they need to act more sexual than their instincts inform them while men feel they must act more metro than most women find attractive. A conundrum without a doubt!
~~ Music used to provide the images and lyrics of romantic love. Today’s music still includes love songs but I’m not so sure “love” is at the core of many of them. Some aspects of pop music seem to be hardly empowering to women and simply emphasize the go-for-it sexual mantra in some quarters of our society.
Do people really put on Snoop Doggy Dog when they want to make love? Is it the same as Sinatra? Do songs with lyrics about “bitches” and “ho’s,” along with a steady supply of the f-word really inspire romance by the fireplace?
Call me old-fashioned. PLEASE. What do you think about the state of sex in America today? Do you think our kids really know ANY more than we did?