#Golf is Like #Women

Category: Weekly Columns

Golf quote

I asked my wife for a topic suggestion for the next column in this new blog series. She ignored me as if I hadn’t said a thing: I instantly chose “Women.” There is no format to this series other than what comes to my mind as I write so the topics come from anywhere and everywhere. Your suggestions are welcome.

Women and Golf

Since I write the Men vs. Women series – a fav of mine and my readers – writing about men and women is a favorite topic, especially in these politically correct times where speaking the truth is often NOT allowed. It shocks many that read the Men vs. Women series that I can even find differences between the genders since most graduate students in Gender Studies believe we are the same except for some minor physical differences.

Golf is one of those sports that many don’t even consider a sport, yet its complexity and addictive quality is well known to its adherents. I’m still a novice and I don’t take it too seriously, but I have grown to both appreciate the game and completely recognize the skill involved to be good.

The Angry Wife Golf Club Guide

I know that my wife is watching golf when I hear her VERY loud screams of “Ohhh” or “Ahhh” or “What a SHOT!” coming from the kitchen, which for some reason is the only place that she chooses to watch The Golf Channel. Frankly, I rarely see her get THAT excited about anything else.

Right off, the first comparison between golf and women is the fickleness of both. I never know what mood my wife will be in at any given moment. With golf I never know what mood my swing will be in at any given moment. And, like a fickle woman, it can change on a dime. One good shot and your game is back on track. One BIG gift to your woman and she’s happy again.

Women, Michele Wie, and Golf

Reading the green is one of golf’s greatest challenges given the shape, hills, valleys, and slope of every green – no two are the same. Women – do I need to change a word to make this comparison? Add into the mix the weather and time of day and the similarity is complete.

Why does one golf shot sail perfectly straight and another slice or hook? Yes, if you truly analyze a swing, the answer may be simple. Why does your woman sometimes laugh at a great joke you’ve made and another time, scoff. Why can you act the exact same way with your woman and get two different reactions? Sadly, there is no golf instructor to analyze your woman but you might be able to fix that slice!

Golf comic

Golf is a sport where less is more. The lower your score, the better you’ve played. This is where the comparison with women shifts to the opposite. There is no such thing as smaller, lower, or less to women. They want more, bigger, better, though of course size doesn’t matter. Think Valentine’s Day. Can we men EVER get that holiday right?

Golf is a game where practice may NOT make perfect. In fact, many weekend golfers don’t EVER break 100. Often, amateur golfers get set in their bad habits. Only with extreme effort and usually some tuition, can a weekend golfer get their game into the 90’s or better. Women never forget a slight, a mistake, a missed birthday, or any number of other male blunders. Golf is equally unforgiving.

Funny golf picture

What you wear on a golf course has NO impact on your game. However, the clothing options today are sometimes frightening to see. Too many women of a certain age choose to wear clothes that are equally frightening to see. I will state here and now that my wife looks GREAT in anything and everything she wears and I am NOT pandering to her (she doesn’t read much of anything I write anyway). I look equally terrific. Why? Because my wife lays out EVERY golf outfit I wear (if I’m playing with her). In my case, I believe the wilder my golf outfit, the better my game will be. I believe in the tooth fairy, too.

I would love your feedback on this new series and especially appreciate suggestions for other topics.

 

  • jack43

    Feedback? Allow me to sing… “There is nothin’ like a dame. Nothin’!”

    • http://www.brucesallan.com Bruce Sallan

      And I’ll add @jack43:disqus the old adage, “you can’t live with ’em, and you can’t live with ’em!”

  • David Weber

    I don’t get the cartoon with the heavyset guys wearing bras. As far as golf = woman, I can’t say much, since I don’t really play golf. But I do think your analogies are memorable.

    • http://www.brucesallan.com Bruce Sallan

      @disqus_dU5ulU60s7:disqus – the cartoon is a spoof of the sexy “girl” golfer in sexy clothes. As for my analogies being “memorable” — is that the same is “interesting?”

  • Blair Glaser

    Very cute, Bruce. I must forward to my avid golfer-parents who are obsessed with the inscrutability of the game. The mystery and the challenge — and the feeling that happens when it clicks — is what keeps people coming back, trying to master it, no? Men and women are drawn to this in golf and love.
    And, in response to there being no golf instructor to analyze your woman . . .well I’d have to say, there are people out there, myself included, who would uncover some of those mysteries for you and help you “slice” in a straighter line.

    Fun post.

    • http://www.brucesallan.com Bruce Sallan

      Thanks @blairglaser:disqus for your clever comment – you scored a hole-in-one!

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