#Golf is Like #SEX

Category: Weekly Columns

This is the inaugural column in a new blog series called, “Golf is Like…” Naturally, to launch it I chose to compare golf to sex, since sex is always a good hook. Get it? Hook? Besides, they say golf is a game of inches, don’t they?

Because I Said So golf comic

Now, a disclaimer: I’m an expert golfer after having played about a year and a half. I began about two years ago but after a particularly unpleasant encounter on our club course, I put it down to enjoy ski season. Now, I’m back and I’m lovin’ it.

Hole-in-One

Part of why I am an expert golfer is the fact that I got a hole-in-one on my 10th round of golf EVER. It was on the hardest Par 3 hole at our club – a 186-yard shot that went right into the cup. As it happened, my wife was with me AND there was a greens-man near the green when it occurred. He witnessed the ball land, bounce a couple of times, and roll into the hole.

Oh, that’s it? This game is easy, I thought. It was at least six months later before I broke 100 for the first time and even longer before I got my first birdie (the hole-in-one was technically an eagle).

Golf comic

Now, I’m like everyone else. I win some and I lose some. I am pretty regularly breaking 100 and I’ve got a bunch of birdies on my golf resume along with regularly paring a few holes each round.

I had another goal. Beat my wife, who takes the game VERY seriously. I did it twice in a row BUT it was when she was in a slump. She is a low-90’s, high 80’s player so I need to win when her game is ON. And, my next goal is to break 90. My best is 94.

With this preamble, let’s begin the comparison with golf and sex:

~~ Charlie Brown did use the phrase “Golf is a game of inches?” Need I say more?

Peanuts, Charlie Brown, Snoopy, Golf, Humor

~~ Stroke is a golf term, as well as a sex one – that is if you understand the value of FOREplay.

~~ When you hit an errant golf ball, you shout “Fore” – when you want to “Get lucky” you’d better do some “Fore” as well.

This is "Couples Golf" and when you drive it inches further than your wife, you actually LOSE!

This is “Couples Golf” and when you drive it inches further than your wife, you actually LOSE!

~~ The regular composition of golf is a foursome. Most guys have sexual dreams of a three-some so we’ll consider this another relevant comparison.

~~ Many golfers enjoy going to the bar after a game of golf; most guys go to the bar BEFORE a game of sex (in the hope of…). In this regard it’s much like the warm-up period before a game of golf and the warm-up a man will attempt to get sex.

~~ Ever seen a pro or amateur golfer hit an amazing shot right into the hole? Seen their reaction? Does “orgasm” come to mind?

Golf cartoon

~~ The world’s best golfer’s first name is Tiger. How often have YOU been called “Tiger” in bed? Or, “Bring out your tiger, baby?”

~~ Score = Score in golf and sex.

~~ Finally, there are many kinds of golf clubs. To hit a longer ball, you often use a “wood.” “Nuff said…” (with attribution to my buddy Stan Lee).

  • jack43

    Allow me to add one: “Mind if I play through?” Cuckold

    • http://www.brucesallan.com Bruce Sallan

      LOVE IT @jack43:disqus – this will be a fun series!

  • David Weber

    Make sense to me.

    • http://www.brucesallan.com Bruce Sallan

      And you don’t even golf, David?! Lol…

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