Men vs. Women: Sex – Seven Differences in the Sack

Category: Men vs. Women Series, Weekly Columns

Men vs. Women

Men vs. Women. So, you’re asking what took me so long to get to this topic for this ongoing series. My answer is simple. It’s too easy. Men and women are different. Yes, I repeat that in every column in this series, but it bears repeating. Perhaps there’s no more stark a difference than in how we approach sexuality and how we practice/act upon our sexual needs and urges.

I’ll start off with something that is probably guaranteed to get me accused of being a homophobic, though nothing could be further from the truth. I’m simply stating a fact that the gay community will imputably verify. Homosexual men have many more partners – other men – than both straight men and gay or straight women. And, gay women have fewer partners than heterosexual women. In fact, the actual numbers dramatically underscore the assertion that male sexuality, if unchecked, tends to be much more promiscuous than female sexuality.

Now that you’re sighing, let’s plunge the dagger in further with my usual generalizations and stereotypes which, unlike the fact stated in the previous paragraph, are taken more from this man’s life experiences and observations. My usual disclaimer about generalizations is that they are just that, generalizations –which means they apply much of the time, not all the time.

~~Men can make love to a shoe

Why are there dozens of Playboy-like magazines and virtually nothing similar that women buy? Their vice of choice, as it regards magazines, might be Vogue or Cosmopolitan because women have different interests. When it comes to sex, men are visually stimulated and drawn. And yes, some men could make love to a shoe while most women would just like to buy the right ones.

~~Women actually care if their sexual partner has a brain

Yes, women care what a man has to say, what he does, and how he treats her. Yes, there is the bad-boy thing that some women embrace, but a man can have a “trophy wife” and care little about what’s inside that gorgeous exterior. Henry Kissinger appealed to women; Margaret Thatcher did not appeal to men.

~~Men often attach little emotion to a sexual encounter

I’ve taught my boys that there are emotional consequences to having sex with a girl. That is because most boys and men can move on to “what’s for dinner” or “I’m thirsty” after making love while most women would like to talk and cuddle. The stereotype of a man not calling a woman the day after love-making isn’t because the man is a dolt, it may simply be that he didn’t attach as much emotion to the love-making encounter.

~~Women often attach lots of emotion to a sexual encounter

Why do women try to delay that first sexual intercourse (meant literally and figuratively)? It is less because they are protecting their virtue or want sex less than the man, but because they know how that sort of intimacy affects them. This is a biological reality. Whatever is released upon sexual relations in a woman is far more powerful than it is in a man.

~~If a man could get away with it – with NO risk of being found out and NO risk of disease – he would cheat on his partner

Yes, it doesn’t say much for the male gender, but it’s only the fear of getting caught, perhaps faith, and the cost of divorce that prevents most men from straying.

A good question to ask yourself is this. Who is your absolute fantasy lover? Pick a movie or sports star, or whomever. If you could have one night with that person, with NO RISK of getting caught or catching any STD, would you do it?

I say most men would say a resounding “You BET,” while a smaller percentage of women would say “Yes.”

~~When it’s all working, men are much easier to satisfy than women

Again, making men look like simpletons isn’t really hard when it comes to certain things and sex is near the top of that list! Without going “R,” I think most men and women would agree that the biology and mechanics of men are pretty darn simple. Heck, it sticks out there for the world to see or at least it should at the appropriate time.

A woman is much more mysterious. In fact, a man needs to be more caring and focused to please his woman than the reverse. How ironic.

~~We both do better in our sexual lives when we express ourselves candidly

Again, this is a mystery but I suspect communication about sex and our individual needs is equally poor between men and women. However, women will at least talk to their girlfriends about “problems” and/or read about them. Most men would rather get water-boarded than admit any shortcomings. The mystery is why both sexes are so reluctant to express themselves since most of the time, those declarations result in more satisfaction for both partners.

The men vs. women blog series is getting more fun to write. I welcome your contrary thoughts, certainly your agreements, and any suggestions for future series topics.

Please read and/or comment on any of the other columns in the Men vs. Women series.

Happy New Year everyone. How about skipping that $5 Starbucks latte and splurging $2.99 (for the Kindle on Amazon) or $2.79 for the PDF of my new e-book? Enjoy my own informercial for it! This e-book is really a virtual journey. It’s filled with 100 photos, 7 original videos, and links to many of the stops on the trip. Click on the book cover image below to find your purchase options:

  • ginavalley

    When I saw the title for this post my first thought was, “Well, I was wondering when he was going to get to that.”  I laughed when that was echoed in your first sentence.

    I almost hate to admit that I didn’t notice anything I disagree with you about.  It almost pains me to admit that, as I am so naturally contrary.

    I would summarized it as, in general, women want to have sex with a man they already feel close to (which is why when partners drift apart women lose interest in having sex with that partner), and men want to have sex to feel close to a woman (Although, I think that everyone, men and women, sometimes just want to have a fun roll in the hay without a bunch of meaning attached to it).

    It would behoove both men and women to keep those differences in mind to benefit their relationship.  If men want their woman partner to be more interested in having sex with them they need to make it a point to be kind, considerate, open, loving, helpful,- all the things that deepen a relationship – so that their partner will feel close emotionally to them. Emotional distance from our man is mirrored in physical distance from him.

    I’ve had many male friends tell me their wives have lost interest in having sex.  I tell them that their wives have not lost interest in sex.  They’ve lost interest in sex with them.  When they start behaving like the kind of man their wife wants to have sex with their wife’s desire for them is rekindled.

    If women want their male partner to feel closer to them, more interested and more emotionally open, they need to, at the risk of sounding a bit crass, put out more.  What is it, maybe 20 minutes out of our day to make his?  Why not go for it?  It’s good exercise, and, if you’re doing it right, it  should feel great.  Why ration it?  

    Both need to be honest about what turns them on.  If you hate when she wears sweats and a ratty t-shirt, tell her, “You are always beautiful,but I loved when you wore that new dress and some eye make up to dinner last week.”  If it drives you up the wall that he lets the trash pile up, tell him, “There is nothing sexier than when you take care of chores around the house.”

    And, men and women both need to consider what they can do to be appealing to their partner.  Brush your teeth.  Take a shower.  Skip the sweats/yoga pants and wear something a bit nicer.  Remember, holey tidy whiteys or granny panties don’t say “I care about you.”

    Yes, very different, but both can be very happy if both make an effort to do what pleases their partner.

    • Bruce Sallan

      LOVE your comment @GinaValley:twitter It is OUR differences, ironically and REALLY, that make it (sex and everything else that is part of a relationship) GREAT!

      • ginavalley


    • Belinda G. Davis

      I never could understand why women withhold sex. Some even stoop to using it as a weapon for punishment. I find that to be pretty silly considering that quite a handful of men will cheat (or be impossible to live with) if he’s not getting it at home. Which for a lot of women is in the top 3 biggest fears in a relationship. To do that I would be punishing myself…so we’ll have none of that thank you.

      Then you have the people (I’ve seen this in both sexes, but a little more in men) who fight just to have wild makeup sex. The list of crazy things people do just goes on and on. LOL

      It’s much easier to make an effort to do as you say… “Pleases the partner” than the alternative.That just takes too much bad energy to do!

      While my husband and I seem to have our genders crossed in some of the areas u mentioned in your article, everything you said is on point. Bravo to you on this great piece!

      • Bruce Sallan

        Thx @belindagdavis:disqus – the irony is that last night I slept on the couch because my wife was mad at me!

  • David Weber

    I did not, praise the Lord, detect any passages containing gratuitous put-downs of universities, professors, women’s studies and women’s studies professors. Thank you, thank you, thank you!  What a breath of fresh air!

    • Bruce Sallan

      Oy Vey – I forgot to mention how Gender Studies and feminists will fervently disagree with me given their totally biased view of men and women! Thanks for the reminder, Professor!

  • Arpita

    Bang on correct.. every single point

    • Bruce Sallan

      Thanks Arpita – just waiting patiently for the blowback…and we know it’s coming!

  • foodphilosophy

    I’m fine with the man making more money if he’s paying for dinner. 🙂

    • Bruce Sallan

      Whoever makes more money should pay for dinner!

  • Michelle Gould

    Your comment on sex in  the about those in the GBLT sexual activity was poorly worded .  You made a blanket statement. It should have been more like: there are more mulch-partnered … then…

    • Bruce Sallan

      I suspect you meant multi vs mulch, Michelle…but I appreciate the comment. Duly noted!

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