The REAL Differences Between Men and Women, Part One

Category: Weekly Columns

real differences

The real differences between men and women, the sexes, is vast. Note that I used the word, “Sexes,” rather than gender. I hate the word, “Gender” almost as much as I hate being Politically Correct! So, a disclaimer: If you are a Professor of Women’s Studies you might want to go visit Gloria Steinem’s web site.

A second disclaimer: This man loves and respects women so this column is not anti-women at all! What it is, from this one father and husband, is my honest look at our real differences with the only guiding principle being the truth, plus a touch of humor.

The list alternates between men and women, so there will be equality with six differences each. Men go first, of course, because we’re more important and women should be following behind us anyway. Now, that is my sense of humor. Get over any indignation you may be feeling right now! Trust me, in my house, my wife is the boss and I just pay the bills. Oh, and one more thing. Seriously. Every generality or even stereotype has its exceptions so I declare here and now that any given item on this list will not apply to every man or woman.

Men Like to Look at Women

There’s a reason there are more Men’s magazines with scantily clad or naked women than the equivalent for women. Playgirl was it. Men like to look, like variety, and are made to procreate. We control that instinct for the betterment of family. Women like to nurture and care much more what is inside. Sorry, that’s the truth!

Women Like Funny Men

So, what is #1 on men’s lists for the woman they seek? Looks, of  course. What is #1 (or #2) for women? Sense of humor. You make ‘em laugh, you have a chance. Not funny, not gonna get a second chance!

Men Could Make Love to a Shoe

Hmmm, I declared that I wouldn’t bash women, but it’s beginning to feel like I’m bashing my own kind! Yes, men can “make love” (please substitute an inappropriate word that makes this read better) to a shoe. Pathetic, isn’t it?

Women Buy Shoes, But Only Like to Make Love to a Human Being

Every book like “The Game” and its ilk advise men that the best way to get a woman is by listening, paying attention, being funny, being smart, and not by being your natural self – a slug. Women have discretion. They have taste. They like to talk!

Men Think Certain Bodily Functions Should be Shared and Appreciated by All

Men will actually have contests related to bodily functions. You can use your imagination as I want my posts to be no worse than PG-13. My boys and I congratulate each other for a particularly good B or F. Again, you can fill in the blanks. But, enjoy this YouTube as it sums it up pretty well:

Women Largely Believe Bodily Functions Belong in the Bathroom

Ever wonder WHY women go to the bathroom in pairs? And, spend 20 minutes there? So do I! But, whatever it is they’re doing there, it’s behind closed doors. Perhaps they’re as gross as we are, but I doubt it.

Men Would Prefer to Eat With Their Fingers and Wipe Their Hands on Their Shirt

What is a napkin anyway, but a waste of paper? We men are especially environmentally conscious and therefore would prefer not to waste natural resources like paper, linen, and various metals. What’s wrong with our fingers, our mouths, and our shirts?

Women Like White Wine

Women would still drink Shirley Temples if they were called “Angelina’s” or the equivalent. Ugh. Sweet drinks: those horrible concoctions with a little umbrella and maraschino cherry in them. Oh, and yes, white wine. Just a glass. I’m on a diet.

Men Show Other Men Love By Putting Each Other Down

“Hey Dude, you sure are ugly!”
“I’m ugly? You’re fatter than a pregnant pig!”
“Great to see you Bruce!”
“I love you too, man, let’s watch the game”
“You forgot the beer, a**hole!”
“I miss you, I really do.”
“Yeah, that’s ‘cause no one loves you like I do, dirt bag!”

Can you imagine that dialogue between two women?

Women Actually Talk to Their Women Friends

Women stay friends for decades. They meet for coffee and talk. They exchange e-mails that are more than a few sentences. Texting or grunting at one another isn’t a relationship to women.

Men Watch Sports and Action Movies

We used to like Arnold. We still like Bond, James Bond whoever plays him. A man hitting other men is good. Boxing. Football. Ice Hockey. The more blood the better…oh, I’m referring to movies, now.

Women Watch Lifetime/Ellen/The View and like Nancy Myers Movies

Can we talk about our feelings just a bit more, please? Yeah, women like to talk about their feelings. That’s why they watch those female-hosted daytime shows like the late
Oprah, The View (men, we can all throw-up now), Ellen, and Dr. Phil. Yeah, he’s really a woman. As for movies, have you EVER known anyone with a house as perfect as every character’s house in a Nancy Myers movie?

So, what’s missing? Add your idea in the form of a comment and we’ll probably do Part Two and include the best of your suggestions!