Just A Guy Asking, “Are YOU Having Sex?”

Category: Just A Guy

I just read a provocative New York Times column by Camille Paglia called, “No Sex Please, We’re Middle Class,” which struck this man as very true and very sad.  Have we sunk to androgynous roles as men and women?  Are you having sex? Are we (you?) having less sex?  Are we men falling down on our jobs in making “it” happen?

Without going into my bedroom, as my wife would NOT appreciate it, I can only speculate about others.  And, my speculation is there’s much truth in the fact that our lives are so equal, so focused on work and family, that the time for sex and the energy required often get put on the back-burner, behind the kids’ needs, our social networking, work we take home, and more.

I can admit a sordid fact of my own and that is my wife is often correctly critical of all the time I spend on the computer.  We both dislike when we use “absolutes” and we both do it way too much.  However, while I’m not on the computer “all” the time, I am on it too much of the time. And, she’s often doing household things that she claims relaxes her, though afterward she is “always” tired.

I love this quote from Ms. Paglia’s column, “Meanwhile, family life has put middle-class men in a bind; they are simply cogs in a domestic machine commanded by women. Contemporary moms have become virtuoso super-managers of a complex operation focused on the care and transport of children.”  While she’s ignoring the households where dads are the primary caregivers, I think she’s right on with this point.

She even claims that contemporary movies and music have diminished the foreplay between us.  While she didn’t use that word, “foreplay,” I think that is the point.  If we just see couples “doing it” and there’s no lead up, no romance, no anticipation, just sex — then where’s the real heat and anticipation coming from?

But, hey, what do I know: I’m just a guy.

  • http://twitter.com/riddell_michael Michael Riddell

    I’m just a guy myself, but I can throw into the pot that I work away from home. I spend 26 days at work, then am home for 9 days. The money is brilliant, but I can see where this article says it leaves little relationship time.

    • http://www.brucesallan.com Bruce Sallan

      Wow Michael, you found an old one of mine! TYVM…btw, what is a “relationship?”

      • http://twitter.com/riddell_michael Michael Riddell

        ::eyebrow waggle::

  • Mikey

    Just found your blog, Bruce, so I am late to the party.
    Been married 2x and not sure I will be again. Not sure I even want to live with a woman again and one of the reasons is sex. I think when you live together you tend to take each other for granted. Seeing each other isn’t as special as when it is only 2x a week. You also have this tendency to put off romance as you are tired and can ‘just do it tomorrow’. So getting married or even living with a woman for me, at least for right now, isn’t something I see much advantage in doing….
    Cheers, –Mikey