Just A Guy Dating With Kids

When is it time to introduce your kids to your new “friend,” someone you’ve been dating a while, and when is it okay for them to sleep over?  One is relatively simple, in this dad’s opinion, the other more dicey.

It’s easy when you have split custody; date, have sex, do it all when the kids are with the ex.  It’s not so easy if you have the kids all the time (as I did).  Then, the choice is a secret life or earlier introduction than the therapists all advise (and, remember, every therapist has a dysfunctional family, so why are you listening to them).  It’s not good for the kids if you are not happy. So, as with most things in life, there’s a middle ground on when to make that introduction. read more

There’s No Such Thing As Quality Time

I keep learning this great lesson. It’s something I know, but seem to have to experience repeatedly for it to sink into my stubborn head. With kids, there’s no such thing as quality time, only quantity time.

Some people actually believe they can schedule quality time with their kids—moments when their kids will open up, reveal what’s really going on, and share. They want to schedule this time the way they schedule a business lunch. But, kids don’t work on these kinds of schedules. They open up when they’re good and ready, and it’s usually when you least expect it. This happened one weekend a couple of years ago with my younger son. read more