Can We Overcome Fear? I say YES!

Posted on April 27, 2010 by Bruce Sallan

My son and I had an extraordinary experience this Spring Break while on a ski trip at Mammoth, California. It was just the two of us, since my wife stayed home for work and my older son preferred hanging out with his friends and girlfriend (I can’t blame him, as she’s wonderful). So, it was a special alone-time-trip with my younger son, David. Together we learned about the possibility to overcome fear.

Because our skiing levels and skiing interests are quite different, we tend to prefer to ski separately. I have friends there and David had some friends from school that he skied with. However, we always hook up at some point and one day, after he’d slightly hurt himself and was taking it easy, we skied together. We skied just one area, where there’s a short chair lift and short runs.

Do We Have Anything in Common?

Posted on March 30, 2010 by Bruce Sallan

While on a recent skiing trip, I had a casual dinner with casual friends, including a couple that had been married, divorced, and were now dating again. As is so often the case, on the surface, they looked great together, so it seemed natural that the conversation went in the direction of “why did you two break up?” and whether or not they had anything in common.

The woman laughed and said, “it’s a long story,” at which point she began, without missing a beat, telling it to us. It boiled down to the simple fact that she and her partner really enjoyed each other but basically had nothing in common. He liked adventure trips, she liked resorts, he liked aggressive skiing and starting first thing, she liked a relaxing breakfast, followed by a leisurely time getting ready to go out, he wanted kids, she didn’t, etc.

It was almost comical and, in fact, they were laughing at each other and ultimately acknowledged all they really had together was a general feeling of comfort and familiarity.

When Should We Take Risks?

Posted on March 3, 2010 by Bruce Sallan

We went on a family skiing trip recently and on my son’s first run of the season, he fell and broke his arm. Thankfully, it was a clean hairline fracture and he should heal just fine. It may take his ego a bit longer to recover, as he was trying to follow his girlfriend when he fell. He recuperated and relaxed at the condo while the rest of our group continued to ski and enjoy the trip. I resumed my regular skiing antics which include doing tricks that are mostly done by kids half my age or younger but I decided I still like to take risks.

Do We Teach Our Kids How to Make Good Decisions?

Posted on January 26, 2010 by Bruce Sallan

One of the many things that we try to teach our children is how to make good decisions. Sometimes the problem can be that we may not always make good decisions ourselves or we may allow emotions to influence our choices. I found this to be true in a recent argument I had with my older son and a latter discussion about an important choice he wanted to make.

The argument was about his last-minute decision to back out of his promise to come skiing with me over Winter Break, preferring instead to stay home with his friends (and girlfriend). I got angry as he made this decision days before we were supposed to leave, thus leaving me high and dry with little time to find a friend to come in his place. My wife and other son were already scheduled to go on a very special trip to Japan and Hong Kong.

Just A Guy With A Mature Teen (Imagine That?)

Posted on January 9, 2010 by Bruce Sallan

I had a fight with my mature teen. I acted like a teen and he acted like an adult. I pouted. He was reasonable. I was yelling. He was calm. I hate when that happens!

It all had to do with expectations and desires, on my part, for my mature teen son to want to hang out with his dad. Our family was apart this holiday season as my wife and younger son went to Japan and Hong Kong.

Steppin’ – My Action Verb for Step-parenting

Posted on March 18, 2009 by Bruce Sallan

The ‘50s ideal of the nuclear family is clearly a thing of the past as most statistics readily confirm. Divorce is rampant and the definition of family is undergoing constant scrutiny and redefinition. For my family, we’ve been dealing with a new Step-Mom, as I just got married, this past December 27 (2008). My new wife might argue that she is going through the greatest adjustment, while my boys and I might argue otherwise. I’ll let you be the judge, but first I want to officially introduce my family members, not by name, but by nickname. Steppin’ – My Action Verb for Step-Parenting

In thinking of what would be most appropriate, I thought I’d look for some special characteristics and/or interests to identify them. For my older son, 15, it was easy. His singular interest is rock ‘n’ roll, especially harder rock and metal. He plays guitar well, often, and loudly. So, he will hereafter be known as “GuitarHero.” My younger son, 12, has more diverse interests and is known as the artist of the family, loving manga comic books and all sorts of drawing. However, his favorite comic book is, without question, “Archie,” so his name is going to be “Jughead.”

There’s No Such Thing As Quality Time

Posted on February 11, 2009 by Bruce Sallan

I keep learning this great lesson. It’s something I know, but seem to have to experience repeatedly for it to sink into my stubborn head. With kids, there’s no such thing as quality time, only quantity time.

Some people actually believe they can schedule quality time with their kids—moments when their kids will open up, reveal what’s really going on, and share. They want to schedule this time the way they schedule a business lunch. But, kids don’t work on these kinds of schedules. They open up when they’re good and ready, and it’s usually when you least expect it. This happened one weekend a couple of years ago with my younger son.