Just A Guy Struggling With Whining Kids

Posted on July 18, 2009 by Bruce Sallan

“I HATE it,” or “I HATE my teacher,” or “I HATE that restaurant.” Sound familiar. When my younger son uses that word or is complaining or whining as much as he and his older brother do, I find myself going nuts on them. “You HATE” such and such? There are things to hate in this world, like terrorists, rapists, serial murderers, taxes, Britney Spears and Renee Zellweger, but an item of food, a less than terrific teacher?

This falls under the category of spoiled rotten. I must’ve done something to encourage this behavior and my new wife always gives me “the look” when they act that way; the look that says, “well, where do you think they got it from?” I then give her the look that says, “bug off,” and we go on to a fight from there. Okay, just kidding. Sort of.

Don’t Take It Personally

Posted on May 19, 2009 by Bruce Sallan

I know my column is from my personal perspective, and often about my personal life. Yet I feel this topic is more confessional than many others and affects me too often. I take things too personally. Having this deficiency is truly toxic when you are raising kids or beginning a new marriage, both of which define my present state of affairs.

Let’s give some examples and see how many of you relate to them. Easy ones are when ShortRib (my wife) isn’t smiling, isn’t talking much, or doesn’t respond quickly to an e-mail, or text of mine. I always assume that it’s my fault or something I’ve done.

Am I a Selfish Parent?

Posted on April 21, 2009 by Bruce Sallan

It’s high time I wrote a column that stirs some reaction, creates some controversy, and isn’t so sweet and nice. No gratitude for surviving what should have been a deadly car crash, no treatises on the values of volunteering, or even about the importance of spending more quantity time with your kids. After all, this is a man’s point-of-view, not some touchy-feely new age guru. Look at the magazine rack at your local bookstore. The women’s section is literally full, while the men’s section mostly consists of magazines about cars, motorcycles, or supermen who climb ridiculously high mountains without oxygen. We won’t even talk about daytime television where Oprah and Ellen dominate. I don’t count Dr. Phil, for obvious reasons.

So, what is it that is so different and might rankle some of my by now loyal readers and fans (I can dream, can’t I)? It’s simply the notion that sometimes it’s necessary to be a selfish parent and think of yourself. This applies, in my opinion and observance, most especially to stressed single moms whose ex’s participate little or not at all, much as my situation was till I was blessed to meet ShortRib (my nickname for my wife) and re-marry. Frankly, either due to the fact I am a man or maybe an inherent selfish slug, I never suffered from this problem. I managed to find time for myself and the needs of the boys.

Just A Guy Dealing With Money, Money, Money

Posted on April 18, 2009 by Bruce Sallan

Potential lessons abound today, as we’re dealing with money crises, the worst of my and my boys’ lives. My boys will gain wisdom from this. So will I. Things often taken for granted will no longer be. I will live the life I preach and take the same, at times, harsh medicine I’m asking them to swallow.

The other day I was helping my younger son set up his computer. He inherited my old one. I looked around his room and realized the extraordinary amount of “things” he possessed and that he’d known no other way of living. There was a TV, DVD player, two or three portable video game devices, an “old” and “new” cell-phone, and more boxed DVD sets than they carry at Blockbuster. And, now, his own computer, albeit a “used” one. Nah, the lessons they’ll learn will serve them well.

Steppin’ – My Action Verb for Step-parenting

Posted on March 18, 2009 by Bruce Sallan

The ‘50s ideal of the nuclear family is clearly a thing of the past as most statistics readily confirm. Divorce is rampant and the definition of family is undergoing constant scrutiny and redefinition. For my family, we’ve been dealing with a new Step-Mom, as I just got married, this past December 27 (2008). My new wife might argue that she is going through the greatest adjustment, while my boys and I might argue otherwise. I’ll let you be the judge, but first I want to officially introduce my family members, not by name, but by nickname. Steppin’ – My Action Verb for Step-Parenting

In thinking of what would be most appropriate, I thought I’d look for some special characteristics and/or interests to identify them. For my older son, 15, it was easy. His singular interest is rock ‘n’ roll, especially harder rock and metal. He plays guitar well, often, and loudly. So, he will hereafter be known as “GuitarHero.” My younger son, 12, has more diverse interests and is known as the artist of the family, loving manga comic books and all sorts of drawing. However, his favorite comic book is, without question, “Archie,” so his name is going to be “Jughead.”

A Hamster and Some Dead Birds

Posted on March 4, 2009 by Bruce Sallan

One of parenting’s biggest challenges is when to protect your kids from life and when to let them learn the truth about it. This is a regular challenge for most parents and me. When I was dating, it was unclear how much I should disclose to the boys or when I should introduce them to a woman I was seeing. When their mother abandoned them and literally disappeared, did I tell them the truth about her (mental) instability or gloss over it? When my parents were ill and dying, how much did I share with the boys about the details and how much should they witness? With my 401K now a 201K, how much do I tell them about what we’re all facing in this declining and uncertain economy?

There’s No Such Thing As Quality Time

Posted on February 11, 2009 by Bruce Sallan

I keep learning this great lesson. It’s something I know, but seem to have to experience repeatedly for it to sink into my stubborn head. With kids, there’s no such thing as quality time, only quantity time.

Some people actually believe they can schedule quality time with their kids—moments when their kids will open up, reveal what’s really going on, and share. They want to schedule this time the way they schedule a business lunch. But, kids don’t work on these kinds of schedules. They open up when they’re good and ready, and it’s usually when you least expect it. This happened one weekend a couple of years ago with my younger son.