How many men do you think are afraid of their wives? If “afraid” is too strong a word, how many men believe they must walk on eggshells in their wife’s presence? What marriages do you know – well – that are successful and appear happy? I chose the word “appear” because no one really knows what is going on inside another’s home and life, so all we can make is educated guesses based on how well we know people.
The three happiest marriages I know well have one common theme. The man is clearly madly in love with his wife and lets her run the show. My parents fit that description to a T and were happily together for 73 years, married 66. However, after being part of a men’s group for over a decade, I witnessed way too many men who feared their wives or partners.
What are the signs that a man – YOU – might be scared of YOUR wife?
~~ You are extremely careful with anything you say in her presence.
~~ Some topics are just not to be discussed, whether about your sex life, money, or how to raise the children.
~~ She adores her parents; hates yours and you allow those feelings to determine the outcome and invitation list of family events.
~~ Saying “No” to her causes heart palpitations.
~~ You’ve long ago realized that your “fix-it” reaction to her problems never is appreciated and now you just begrudgingly listen and offer no ideas or solutions. Note: in many cases, this is a wise move, period.
~~ When you must bring up something you think will precipitate a tough discussion or a fight, you put if off and/or bolster yourself with substances.
~~ You don’t even remember why you fell in love in the first place.
~~ She controls all the purse strings and when you want something, you dread asking for it.
Well guys, how’d you fare on the above things? Ladies, do you recognize your man in the above list?
We’ve been living through a very feminized time in human history. Women dominate our elementary schools and all our schools seem to favor girls/women in their curriculum and in so many other politically correct ways. Boys are failing at higher numbers than ever and more and more women are accepted to colleges while their male counterparts are often floundering. Plus, the work place is now fraught with HR rules. Men can literally be brought up on sexual harassment charges simply by the perception of a female co-worker saying something he did or even how he peered at a female co-worker.
Heck, I’d be scared to work at any large business today. Towards the end of my showbiz career, post Anita Hill, I stopped hiring female secretaries simply because I didn’t want to be walking on eggshells. The irony was that I experienced pretty harsh sexual harassment twice from women in positions of power and was laughed at by my (male) bosses at the time.
So, is it any wonder that our boys and young men might be afraid of their women at home and at work?
There is no easy solution. But, for most men, I think having good men in their lives can make a huge difference. Even without all these societal changes, many men will stick their feet deep into their mouths at times. I am certainly guilty of this far too often. Having an outlet with other men might help prevent the legitimate lapse in thinking that is endemic among many men.
The decade I spent in a men’s group helped me deal with the hardships of my divorce, raising my boys alone, and dating again in a changed world. The men in my group sincerely helped me navigate the new relationship that ended up leading to my second marriage. I’d bring them issues and they’d give a perspective and/or advice that I just hadn’t thought of or realized. They saved me from myself in many cases.
In other cases, it’s just learning that the new World Order is simply different. The empowerment of women is largely a good thing, but it has diminished men to a degree, which is why there are so many men living in fear of their wives or partners. The irony of this column is that I expected it to contain much humor, yet upon writing it, the harsh truth of this topic kept me from my usual quips.
I’d really love to know what you think: men and women? With women, I want to know if you respect the man in your life? Has his kowtowing to you made you love him more, if he’s acting that way? Men, do you resent your wife? Do you feel less a man? And, parents – what are you seeing from your boys and from your girls? Are you happy with the state of Gender Affairs?
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