Just A Guy Asking, “Are YOU Having Sex?”

Category: Just A Guy

I just read a provocative New York Times column by Camille Paglia called, “No Sex Please, We’re Middle Class,” which struck this man as very true and very sad.  Have we sunk to androgynous roles as men and women?  Are you having sex? Are we (you?) having less sex?  Are we men falling down on our jobs in making “it” happen?

Without going into my bedroom, as my wife would NOT appreciate it, I can only speculate about others.  And, my speculation is there’s much truth in the fact that our lives are so equal, so focused on work and family, that the time for sex and the energy required often get put on the back-burner, behind the kids’ needs, our social networking, work we take home, and more.

I can admit a sordid fact of my own and that is my wife is often correctly critical of all the time I spend on the computer.  We both dislike when we use “absolutes” and we both do it way too much.  However, while I’m not on the computer “all” the time, I am on it too much of the time. And, she’s often doing household things that she claims relaxes her, though afterward she is “always” tired.

I love this quote from Ms. Paglia’s column, “Meanwhile, family life has put middle-class men in a bind; they are simply cogs in a domestic machine commanded by women. Contemporary moms have become virtuoso super-managers of a complex operation focused on the care and transport of children.”  While she’s ignoring the households where dads are the primary caregivers, I think she’s right on with this point.

She even claims that contemporary movies and music have diminished the foreplay between us.  While she didn’t use that word, “foreplay,” I think that is the point.  If we just see couples “doing it” and there’s no lead up, no romance, no anticipation, just sex — then where’s the real heat and anticipation coming from?

But, hey, what do I know: I’m just a guy.